So, I recently read Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen. It is a story of the circus during the depression years, told by the circus vet, Jacob. Jacob tells the story when he is 93 years old and living in a nursing home. Jacob expresses that he is afraid as he is nearing the end of his life. I read that chapter of the book just days after visiting my mom, who is not in good health at the age of 80. It gave me a deep sense of sadness about losing people in my life that are growing old. It also sent me into a place of reflecting on my life as I just hit “The Big 45!” I know you are saying, “45, that is still young and you are only as old as you let yourself be.” Ya, ya, ya – I am as old as I have ever been, and for some reason, 45 has been very traumatic. Being a math educator, my life is spent mathematizing the world around me. Well, 45 is half of 90! I know – I am halfway to 90! Can you see why there has been some trauma? 🙂 If I live to 90, then I am in the second half of my life. I was just 23 and starting out my career as an educator. Twenty-two years later and here I am!
I have been pondering where I’ve been and what I’ve done in my 45 years. Do you ever ponder what you’ve done with your life up to the present time? Have you done everything you hoped you’d have done by this age? Have you done things you never thought you’d do? Do you have any regrets? How does what you’ve done in your life affect what you will do in the years to come? Do you ever think about these things or do I just think too much????
One of my favorite shows on TV is Men in Trees. The main character is a relationship counselor who has moved to Elmo, Alaska. She has a radio show and talks to her audience and poses questions that come up based on the relationships going on around her. I love that! While I am NOT an expert on relationships by any means, I love to wonder and know what people are thinking about life issues. So, here is my little “radio show” and my chance to share those little wonderings that float through my head and heart on a daily basis. Yes, summer allows for more brain space and time to think about other things besides mathematics! Is that a good thing? The jury is out!
Growing older…
Thoughts and Reflections on Life 
Okay, I had these same thoughts at age 40 thinking I had lived for a fair amount of time and realizing that I wasn’t even 1/2 way there. I am having them again with my 56th almost upon me. I don’t feel old and I don’t want to think that mom and dad are old. I am so not ready for them to be old and frail and I find that thot very strange coming from a 56 year old. I too ponder about woulda coulda shoulda occasionally. Just keep in mind that old age is always 15 years older than you and you will never catch up. At this point in my life, I am hoping I live long enough to grow up!!!!!! Hugs and love…..
Love the color change! It suits you more. 🙂
I read this book and it made me think so much of my grandparents and the frustration they must have felt at getting older and being unable to do so many of the things they enjoyed. I felt a real sadness reading this book,thinking of them alone in their retirement home, waiting for someone to come and visit. Although I visited frequently, it wasn’t frequently enough. Wish I could do it again. And I know that at 37 years old, I still wonder when I will start to feel like a grown up. Did my grandparents feel the same way? I wonder.