AARP…

Over the years, I have had doctors say things like, “You are really young to have bifocal lenses, bursitis, polyps, etc.” Oh, how that makes a young girl feel good! I began to think that my parents kept me in hiding for the first years of my life and then at age 10, allowed me to start living! It has been a joke I have made for years – I am really 10 years older than my driver’s license says! When I received my first AARP membership application, my hunch was confirmed!

I began receiving notifications about 5 years ago (when I turned 40!). At first I thought it was just a joke played by friends – maybe someone signed me up at the fair! Oh no! They have continued to come several times a year for the past 5 years. When I moved from one state to another…they managed to find me! They send me offers for the magazine for folks over 50 – yes, I used the word “folks!” That sounds like an AARP word doesn’t it? Each time I receive a notice I write in big bold letters that I am only (insert current age) and to stop sending me stuff! It is not working! Isn’t there a “National Do Not Send” list for annoying businesses?

I have decided that AARP does not stand for American Association for Retired Persons, but Absolutely Annoyed (Not) Retired Person!!!!! Give me a break! I have thought about taking them up on their offer and getting the darn membership card! I can imagine the look of the young clerk at Ross Dress for Less when I hand her my AARP card on Senior Citizen Tuesday! Think she’d buy it?

So, I’ve been thinking. They say that 60 is the new 50, 50 is the new 40, and 40 is the new 30! That would make me “30 something!” Bring it on! No more hemrhoids! Bye bye peri-menopause! I will need less lights on in my house to be able to see…heck, I can throw away my 1.50 readers that I keep in every room! I won’t have to check the age 45+ box on applications! I won’t need the magification mirror to put on eye make-up! Wouldn’t it be great if I did return the membership application and could erase all of the things that now plague my life upon receiving “the card?” If it were only that easy!

One comment

  1. ROFL – Rolling on the floor laughing my &^% off and now I can'get up!!!!!!!! I love your new explanation for AARP! I started getting the mail about 2 weeks after I turned 50 or is it the new 40, and here I am6 years later and still don't have a membership card. Some hotel I was looking up the rates on has a Seniors category and a "Mature Adult" category for those of us that qualify for AARP but aren't considered Seniors. Wait til you get older, every place and orgnization has a different age idea of what constitutes a Senior. It's a roller coaster sister dear, just strap yourself in, throw up your hands, scream loudly and enjoy the ride!

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