As life moves full steam ahead (some days faster than I’d like), I am desperately trying to figure out who I am and what I’m meant to be. I’ve spent the last 47 years being what everyone else wanted me to be and working hard at what I believed was what I was meant to be. My life has been spent giving to others, both personally and professionally. I believe that is one of my gifts. Giving to others is a great and noble gift, don’t get me wrong. The piece of it that I have neglected is that of taking time for me… giving back to me. As I grapple with that idea, I struggle with it being selfish. Looking out for #1, so to speak. Growing up the peacemaker in my family and then choosing a profession that is about others, I have lost me in the process.
Recent months have ignited some new passions in my. I’ve begun to discover some gifts in my life, and oddly enough, they all involve creativity. If you know me at all, you know that I’m a “self-proclaimed NOT creative person!” It’s almost become a mantra in my life…. “Oh, I’m not creative.” The passions that have ignited in my life and bring me the most joy are all ones that involve creativity. Who’da thunk?
I’m discovering that my gifts; writing… photography… drama (acting, that is!)… all involve creativity and personal expression. They are also visible gifts that others enjoy. My internal struggle is that of pride. It feels very arrogant and prideful to produce things, knowing that others will see or read them. Of course I want people to enjoy and appreciate them, so my journey involves figuring out how to develop my gifts, find their purpose, and then use them to glorify God. He rejoices when we use the gifts He gave us.
Thoughts and Reflections on Life 
I don't think giving back to yourself is selfish at all. It's just adding your name to your list of who to take care of.Graham said something once, a long time ago – so long I've forgotten the exact context of the conversation. But it had something to do with making your own way in life, and he said, "I'll be the first person to make sure that I'm happy." I've always remembered that. And it doesn't mean 'I'll only ever look out for myself', but that I won't rely on others for my own happiness. I'll make sure that, as I'm taking care of the ones I love in the world around me, I'll make sure to take care of myself as well.
Thanks for those words of encouragement, oh wise niece of mine!