We all have struggles in our lives. Some are bigger than others. Some are so tiny that no one notices we struggle, and maybe we don’t even notice it ourselves at times. Some are larger and may be hidden from others. Some are very visible. My struggle is huge (no pun intended) and very visible. I’ve often wished that I had any other struggle in the universe than the one I have… one that could be far more life-threatening than mine… only to make it less visible to those around me. I’ve had this struggle from very early on in my life and there has never been a time that I have not thought about it, worried over it, been mad about it, or felt sorry for myself. Many days I have been mad at God for it. Somehow I’ve made this His issue and His fault. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed until I think I can’t utter another word. I’ve asked, cried, pleaded, and begged for Him to “take it away from me” so I can be normal like “everyone else.”
So, here I am, about to turn 48, and this struggle is greater than it has ever been in my life. It’s rearing its ugly head, so to speak, in many ways. You see, I’m working on “dealing with it.” I’m tying very hard to take my struggle to the foot of the cross everyday… well, almost everyday beause sometimes this struggle is so huge that my judgment is clouded. When I make that journey, there is another player in this game that rears his ugly head and “ups his game.” This ugly player wins the battle far more than he should. Actually he should not win at all, but I let him. I find myself singing the old ballad, “It’s Not Fair.” Ever heard that one? It’s been around a long time. One of my favorites is “Why Me?” I think that one has been rerecorded over and over with a little different twist each time. Right now it’s on the Top Ten charts!
I’m reading a book with a few friends called MADE TO CRAVE – SATISFYING YOUR DEEPEST DESIRE WITH GOD, NOT FOOD (Lysa Terkeurst, President of Proverbs 31 Ministries). So, now I guess you know my struggle. It’s a highly visible one. If you’ve ever seen me then you know about it the moment you lay eyes on me. If you’ve never seen me then you might think I am just an average girl… like everyone else. This week’s chapter is titled This Isn’t Fair! Oh, she’s singing my song! I read a passage this morning that hit me like a ton of bricks and is beginning to change my perspective and possibly make a roster change in the team line-up. It’s an excerpt from E.Titus, a friend of Lysa’s. It reads like this;
My revelation this morning is that I need to get off my pity pot and pull of out the parking spot of my struggle. I need a healthier perspective that will eventually bring healing. “As a Christ follower, there will always be struggles, but life is a learning process… to depend less on my own strength and more on God’s power. My taste buds make such empty claims to satisfy me, but only persevering with God will make me truly full, complete, not lacking anything.” (L. Terkheurst)