Lessons Learned

The Pebble…


Have you ever had a fight with your spouse or loved one?  Fighting feels so tough and empowering in the moment. You hold your ground… speak your mind… defend yourself.  Then you feel the emotional impact of the other person’s words and feelings, and you begin to weigh your options.  Is this really worth it?  Does getting my point across in an angry way solve the problem or even make me feel better for that matter?  What is the fight about?  Is the issue really what is causing all of the anger and resentment or are there deeper issues?  Deeper issues that, when left untouched, can cause even greater issues… to fight about again.  It’s a vicious cycle.  A cycle that, if left unattended, can cause much strife and unrest in a relationship.

At what point in the fight do you say “enough is enough?”  How long does it take before you decide that the barrage of angry words and accusations just need to stop because they are getting you no where?  What does it take to get you to step away and cool down?  At what point do you realize that where you are now in the fight is probably not even where or why it started?  It feels like a snowball rolling down the hill.  By the time you get to the bottom, it’s much larger than when you started and it’s full of debris you picked up along the way.  What was it you were fighting about?  Pick that giant snowball apart and you will find the tiny pebble in the middle that was the catalyst for the fight in the first place.

It’s over now.  The snowball has rolled to a stop at the bottom of the hill.  Hearts begin to warm a bit.  All of the debris from the snowball begins to fall away.  You are now left with the tiny pebble that started it all!  Suddenly, it doesn’t look quite so big.  You realize that this tiny little issue caused an avalanche of emotion on a grand scale, and took some trees out on it’s way down.  Can it be that this one little issue caused all that hurt and destruction?  It’s time to make the climb.  The climb back up the mountain to restore the place where the argument began.  Are you willing to say “I’m sorry” for all of the debris you gathered on the roll downhill?  Are you willing to get rid of that debris or is it left behind for the next time a pebble comes tumbling down?

Some say it takes courage to have a good fight.  Be strong… defend your honor… show them what you believe.  I say it takes more courage to climb that hill and restore what was destroyed on the way down.  Courage happens when you utter the words “I’m sorry” and are willing to begin that healing process, even if you believe deep in your heart that you were right in the first place.  Courage also happens when you are willing to face the pile of debris left behind; sifting through and getting rid of it… together.  Forgiveness takes courage.  Much more courage than it takes to begin rolling that pebble down the snowy mountain.

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