Posted in Humor

One Sheep, Two Sheep, Black Sheep, Blue Sheep

Growing up, there were four words I dreaded hearing in the evening… GET READY FOR BED. What a pain in the rear that whole process was.  After all, I had to get into my pj’s, brush my teeth, and go potty.  Oh, to be so inconvenienced and troubled. How much time did that really take?  In kid time… hours!  In adult time… minutes!  But as I got older and was less supervised, I could “get ready for bed” under the radar.  No one really knew if I brushed my teeth… oh, except my dentist at my next appointment!  Heck, I could even jump into bed in my street clothes!  No one would really ever know… oh, except my mom when my pj’s were never in the dirty clothes basket because they were never worn!  To be young and have so many responsibilities!

Fast forward to today.  I’m older and wiser now. (No, really… I am wiser!)  In fact, I can do whatever I want!  Who needs to brush their teeth, not to mention floss?  Oh ya… me!  God forbid I would get gum disease and up my chances for heart failure!  PJ’s?  They are so overrated!  Heck, I can sleep naked if I want.  Oh wait… I sleep walk!  Might not look good to be prowling around the house during the night in my birthday suit!  The cat would need therapy and what if the kids were here?  And for the going potty part.  Oh ya…. part 1 of a series of trips to the bathroom at various intervals throughout the night.  I call it Sleepus Interruptous !  There is a medication for that, but the side effects cause you to be so miserable when you are awake that all you want to do is sleep!  I think that my night time routine as a kid is looking better and better!

As a kid, it probably took me five minutes to get ready for bed.  Okay, I’m publicly admitting that I did not floss and never brushed for two minutes, spending 30 seconds in each quadrant!  Today that is on my long list of pre-bedtime events that I enjoy every evening.  It’s kind of like a bedtime tailgate party!  After I floss and brush, I wash my face and apply lavender and cedar wood essential oils… to help me sleep better.  Maybe I should just bathe in them… after all, more is better, right?  Next we move down a bit and work on the feet.  Cinnamon and peppermint are applied to my heel to help with the plantar faciatis pain while I sleep.  Now mind you, I’ve already iced my foot for at least 10 minutes with the frozen water bottle!  After the bathroom regime is over I head to the  kitchen to mix up my magnesium drink.  This magic powder will help with stress, fat burning, and leg cramps!  Maybe I’ll wake up 50 pounds lighter and all the stress will be gone out of my life!  I’ll just keep on drinking it and see what happens!  My journey is not over.  Now I check all the doors and windows, and turn out the lights.  My final destination is the bedroom.  Now the big decision… to wear pj’s or not!  Oh wait, I’ve already determined that pj’s are essential!  Water on the night stand, alarm set, bed covers adjusted…. almost done.  My last ritual involves a medieval torture device I am supposed to wear on my foot for the remainder of the night.  It’s like a giant boot you wear when you break your foot.  It is rather colorful, which makes it so much easier to wear and sleep… insert sarcasm here.  Boot on, lights turned out… breathe, relax… “Oh *%#$, did I feed the cat?  If not, she will be gently pawing at me to feed her, before the neighbor’s rooster crows!”  Light back on, covers off the giant boot (now mind you – I’ve just found the perfect position to fall asleep), and now I hobble out to the kitchen (in the boot that is not meant to walk in) to feed my sweet little Abigail.  (Insert %@#$$%!!!! *&$^##$@!!!!!!)

Whew!  Back into bed and ready to….. SLEEP!  It’s now been 52 minutes from the time I began my pilgrimage to a perfect nights sleep.  Yep, I’m now going to SLEEP.  Well, gone are the days of being asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow!  My mind jumps into gear for the next day and all that it offers!  Okay… breathe…. count sheep… breathe… organize sheep…. sort and classify sheep… breathe… schedule the sheep’s next sheering appointment!  Damn sheep!  They are not helping the matter!  I wonder if they have been fed?

Author:

I'm on a journey to be the best that I can be in this life I've been given. I'm trying to find out what I'm passionate about amidst the busyness of life. The clock seems to be going faster, so I want to live every moment as God intended me to.

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