One minute everything seems to be okay. Life seems quiet. No storms. Just when you think things are quieting down… taking a turn in the right direction. Then the phone rings late. I can hear a voice talking loudly on the other end. The curtain has once again come down.
I crawl into bed, hoping to just ignore it all and let sleep distract me. Nope. It didn’t happen. Restless and not wanting to keep him awake, I escape to the living room to walk and pray. Pray about what? I know nothing about what is going on. “Discipline issues.” That’s all he said to me.
Although the sun is shining and it’s vacation, life is still happening around me. Life has been happening around us for quite a while now and I’ve often wondered if other’s feel the same struggles we do? It’s like being on a roller coaster… up and down and up and down. Some times faster than others.
Eight years ago I found myself alone after 8 years of marriage. I was settling into this new life and then an old life emerged and changed everything. I fell in love again with a man I’d never really stopped loving. I’m in love with that man today. Our love changed my world, moving me back from whence I came.
Then reality set in. I’m in love with someone that is hurt and broken and struggling. We are a pair to draw from. I’m the same way. Just when I think I have it together…I’m reminded that I don’t!. MY demons rear their ugly heads.
It’s like when you throw a rock into a calm lake. The rock hits the water and then ripples out. No matter the size of the stone or the force of the throw, it still ripples out. Sometime the ripples seem to go out further and further, as if they will never stop.
Our lives have that same effect. For everythingthing we say or do, there are ripples of effect. Some good. Some sad. Some hard. Some amazing. Most of those ripples involve others. The stakeholders in our lives. My hurt and pain and choices, all in some way or another, effect those in my life. My mood and emotions engulf those around me. Is that fair?
There is an old saying, “you hurt those you love the most.” Is that fair? It sends the most confusing message. I love you, therefore I am going to hurt you. How many times have we been the recipient of this? The giver of this? Our world is made up of fallen beings. The sin in the garden set that one in motion. It’s part of who we are and what we do. Does that make it right? Are we forgiven? God forgives. Some people forgive. I forgive some people. I’m fallen. You are fallen. Together we are fallen.
My heart that was heavy an hour ago has lightened a bit. The sun is shining and I’m on vacation. I was also gently reminded that while other can cause grief and heartache for me, I do the same. It’s easy to get caught up in a “they hurt me” mentality,” losing sight of our place in this broken world.
When I think I’ve got my ducks all lined up… then WHAM! They all fly away loudly!
A song by Jeremy Camp called There Will Be a Day, popped into my head as I sit writing this morning.
I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His endless Word declares this truth
That we will enter in this rest with wonders anew
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering
There will be a day with no more tears
No more pain, no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more , we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to You always
In the meantime, as we live in this fallen world with hurting people just like ourselves, we have a hope on the horizon. I’m holding tight to that today.
I’ve let myself get so caught up in the everyday mire that I temporarily lost sight of what I hold do dearly… my hope in Jesus. He’s got this one. He’s got all of the late night phone calls, the tears, the child-rearing heartaches, the relationship struggles, the past hurts and suffering… as well as the joys and celebrations. We will have all of this with those we love and yes, we will hurt those we love.
But there will be a day…