To Share or Not to Share…

As I approach my 52nd birthday, I’ve come to the conclusion that good health is not going to happen on it’s own.  If I want to be healthier, thinner, in better shape… I must work at it!  I’ve struggled with my weight since the womb!  I was born fat!  With this gift has come 51 years of bad habits, disappointments, old tapes that play over and over and a very fragile self-esteem.

Upon turning 50, I began to be a bit more assertive and confident.  Having spent my entire life being a people-pleaser and peace maker, I decided it was high time I took care of ME!  I’ve slowly begun to care more about what is best for me and not just what is best for others.

Also upon turning 50, my body began to show more signs of aging than ever before!  It’s true what they say… everything goes downhill… literally!  Things that I could always do, even being overweight, were getting more difficult.  This bummed me out and worried me.  If I feel this way at 50 then what will I feel like at 60?  70?

Over the past 4 years or so I’ve been taking wellness steps.  They have been life-changing.  I’m healthier than I’ve ever been… except for the weight.  The weight that has been mine and only mine for 51 years.  It’s a heavy burden to bear… literally!

February 2, I began walking down a new path.  A clean-eating path that does not include sugar, processed foods or gluten.  The gluten part is an experiment to see how I feel.  Today marks 12 days of freedom from these things!  I’ve also committed to some sort of movement each day.  If you know me at all, you know that I’ve never met an exercise that I like!  It’s not my go-to!  In my mind I long to be a sleek runner out enjoying the fresh air.  My reality – too much weight on my old bones and it’s just not pretty!

For the past 2+ weeks, I’ve found a new love for walking outside.  I have walking tapes… they bore me to death!  We have had spring-like weather and I’m starting to take advantage of it!  It feels good!

I’m learning so much about myself as I work to care for me on a more intentional level.  I’ve got some very old tapes to destroy and some habits to break… one day at a time.  One thing I’m learning is that I have to make my journey public.  Without accountability I will never succeed.

My struggle is that it feels very self-serving to tell others about the successes that I’ve had.  I’m more inclined to tell you when I’ve failed than succeeded.  That is a mindset that I must change.  I need the encouragement of others and I want to be that encourager to others as well!  Why does it feel bad to share the positive?  If feels like bragging and I learned as a kid that bragging was not a good virtue.

So, when I post on FB a success I’ve had, I’m not bragging… I’m celebrating!  And yes, I love the “way to go’s” and “good job’s”!  I love the encouragement… we all do!  We all need to surround ourselves with a community that lifts us up and helps us along the way… even when we slip and fall.

This morning as I walked, I was smiling the entire way!  I was outside moving!  I was breathing and moving and doing something good for ME!  All by myself!  If you know me, you know that I don’t really like to do things alone.  Today, I put on my big girls and my new bright blue shoes and hit the road!  I was accompanied by the Decemberists and walked a Personal Best!

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I’m so thankful to not be on this journey alone.  I have a wonderful support network and I’m learning that it’s okay to let the world know!  I have a new love for ME that I have never really had.  And that love is fueled by my amazing God in heaven!  He created me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made!  I am not defined by my job, my husband, my scale or anything or anyone else.  I am a daughter of the King and He is the reason I got out of bed this morning!

So, here’s to 50 more years of healthy living… for it’s never too late to make a change!

One comment

  1. I am so encouraged by your sharing! I too find it really hard to go out and exercise by myself and make good life changes! Bad habits are so hard to break! You are doing so great and You are inspiring me to start again and work harder!
    Thank You!

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