At the age of 13, my world was turned upside down… never to be the same again.  After many months of noticing things were not “normal,” I was informed that my parents were divorcing AND we would be moving from the home I’d been born and raised in.  Seventh grade is difficult enough, but then to add two major life changes in was devastating.  We packed up our home and moved 5 miles away to a much smaller house on a quiet little street.  I was two houses into different school boundaries and would also be starting 8th grade at a new school.  More change…

First day at our “new” house (it was much older and smaller than my childhood home), I was forlorn and sad.  I sat on the front porch in search of a new beginning.  Little did I know, this short little block held many years of memories to come and relationships that would be vital to my teenage years.  Out of the house across the street came two girls that would soon become dear, lifelong friends and my refuge during many a stormy times.  Their house soon became a place I loved to be.  More kids from around the block came around and soon we were an unstoppable group of young teens enjoying friendships and adventures!

Life as a teenager can be confusing and difficult.  Add in a mom who was devastated and hurt by betrayal, and you’ve got painful times.  I became the peacemaker and tried to keep our now much smaller family together.  The first six kids had all moved into their adult lives and it was just my little brother, my mom, and me left to pick up the pieces.  My new friends became the salve and grace that my hurting heart needed.  We spent the next 5 years or so sharing adventures, junior high and high school craziness, and building friendships that would last, even when years pass in between visits.  You see, the relationships you develop with people in different times of your life either come and go, or last for a lifetime … never to be broken.  The latter is how I feel about my friends I met that summer on Audubon.

Yesterday, I had the joy of reconnecting with these friends.  One special lady was home visiting from Florida and we were all able to gather in the old neighborhood for a visit.  The home that I so loved to be at as a teenager, is still inhabited by the wonderful people that became second parents to me that summer.  We walked around the old neighborhood, visited several neighbors and friends that still live there, and had banana popsicles!  Eldon was our popsicle supplier in our younger days, and he helped us relive a cherished memory together!

This morning as I sit here and contemplate the memories that were stirred yesterday, I’m overwhelmed by the journey I’ve been on.  Many years have passed since our days playing Hide-n-Go Seek and Kick the Can… enduring a week inside together due to the fallout of Mt St Helens… conning rides to school from our sweet neighbor, Skip… and the list goes on!   Being together yesterday uncovered a time and place in my life that I could consider a true wilderness experience… tumultuous, painful, ever-changing… and the best thing to ever happen to me!  My sweet world on our short little block expanded when I started at the new junior high school.  I developed another circle of friends that are still friends today.  When I take time to look back on my life, it is these amazing people that I met that fateful summer of upheaval in my youth, that were foundational in me becoming the person I am today.  I’m so grateful for the door of these precious memories being opened once again.  We can get so lost in what is right in front of us and where we hope to go, that we can easily forget where we came from.  Yesterday, I was reminded that God has always had His hand on my life and each journey is key to where He has me today.  I look forward to more time with these dear friends to spend a bit more time remembering the journey we all took together!

I have recently spent time contemplating FB and whether or not I should continue.  I’ve cut down on the amount of time I spend and the things I do when on.  I update my status less and less.  There are only a handful of people who  seem to comment on things I post.  I waiver on how and when I comment.  At times I actively participate in people’s lives and other times I am more of a stalker!

There have been some recent changes that I don’t care for, like when strangers comment on my photo’s because they are friends of people I tag.  I worry about security issues and my life becoming too public (not that I have anything to hide!).  I have every privacy setting in full swing.  I don’t care to see all of the games that people are playing and don’t care to be invited to play.  I love to see friends’ pictures!  I feel honored and blessed to share in people’s lives.  I laugh when people post what they are doing… when really what they are doing is posting on FB!  Dinner menu’s intrigue me.  I don’t care for political posts.  Reading about the mileage from runs and bike rides that people take should motivate me (emphasis on “should”).  I get bummed when I post and  NO ONE comments or everyone just LIKES it and does not use their words!

Occasionally I look through my friend list and try to clean house.  That is so difficult for me.  I usually talk myself into keeping everyone!  I have friends from my school days, college, my 20 years in CA, family, church, and my profession.  While I don’t communicate with most of these people, there is a connection.  At any moment I can bring one of them up on my screen and visit their life or make contact.  I can rejoice with them as they celebrate or pray for them as they share a loss.  I have “friends” far and wide and may never see most of them again in my lifetime.  The thought of unfriending or giving it up altogether would be like cutting myself off from a lifeline.  That may sound strange, but it makes me feel sad to think about suddenly not having the ability to connect with people.  I’m connected with parts of my life that I will never get back.  I think about all of the amazing people who I said goodbye to after 20 years in CA.  I love that I still have a path on which to walk with them… even if it is only on FB.  It is such a quick and easy way to be connected with folks.

Hmmmmmm…. I think I have my answer!

“The Crappy Little Gift”

Well, I began to get the real story of Robin. In our days together, the truth about her story came to the surface. She, along with other birds in the neighborhood, have been eating berries out of a tree. These berries have an intoxicating power on these precious little creatures. She was not able to fly high and steady because she was under the influence. Her Big Brave Bird facade was not as it appeared. One of her little friends “fell” out of a small tree near the sidewalk and then crawled into the bushes right when a neighborhood bird dog was walking by with his owner! It was quite a scene. I have not seen Robin since that day. Possibly she sobered up or decided to find a new circle of friends.

Today, I spent the morning and then a lovely lunch with a small group of colleagues/friends. We have been reading a book about how the brain learns math. That topic was okay for a spell, but then we turned to talking about life, friends, and the need for a “circle of friends.” While we were sharing with each other in a beautiful garden at a local park, a group of three older women arrived with their table, chairs, table decorations, and food. They set up a lovely table and sat together sharing a meal…a true circle of friends. Now that’s what I’m talking about!

“My Pals”

“The Old Gals”

And the frosting on the cake…tonight I get to be with another circle of friends for our summer book club. Tonight is BYOB…Bring Your Own Book…one that you have read over the summer to share with the group!

Wednesday night, after saying goodnight to Brian and the kids, I skipped up onto my front porch to tidy up the porch chairs and table – they seemed a little “out of balance!” (Wow – that is the pot calling the kettle black!) As I stepped up onto the porch and moved toward the chairs, I was startled by this little bird sitting on the railing. I was shocked, surprised, and gave a little squeal! It was dark outside and I never expected to see a bird on my porch! She just sat there and did not move. Yes, I am calling her a she because she was dainty and pretty and calm! Okay – now I am living vicariously through this little bird! 🙂 For the record, I did not name her…yet! Anyway, I walked all around her, talked to her and finally ran in the house to grab my camera. I half expected her to be gone when I came out. Low and behold, she was still there! I proceeded to take a million pictures. She looked a little tattered around the edges, but remained calm and strong. I even sat on the porch for a spell, trying to get her story out of her. She was not going to talk.

Well, I finally decided to let her be and went inside. Of course, like a kid in a candy store, I continued to run to the window to see if she was still there. I even brought the cat to the window thinking she might be excited to see a bird right there… not so much! I was up much later in the night and yes, I looked out the window to see…. and yes, she had left my porch.

In the morning, I went outside to water plants and to my shock, surprise, and excitement… there she was! This time she was sitting on the back of my chair and… pooping! Okay – I did not like that so much! I went inside to get my camera and when I returned, she had flown away. Shortly after that, I noticed her in the neighbors yard – staying low. She seemed to be having trouble flying. By now I am really feeling badly for her and want to help. I even wonder if she will make it through the day. She suddenly seemed not so strong and very vulnerable.

So, that brings me to this morning (Friday). I am sitting on my porch, enjoying the cloudy sky, my coffee, and a new book. I decided to get out my camera and shoot more flower pictures, along with the robins that are hunting for worms in my freshly watered grass. I glance over into my tree and who do I see, but my little friend nestled in the branches – dainty, pretty, and calm – just like the other night. Once again, she let me do a photo shoot and seemed comfortable. But then suddenly, she decided that she had had enough and “flew” off to a neighbors bush. I have not seen her since

So, this brings me to the thoughts and reflections that have been rattling through my minds. Well, actually I only have “one mind!” My little friend “appeared” to be strong, calm, and in control. I wondered if that was truly the case. What things appear to be on the outside are not always what is happening on the inside. I wonder how many of us have had times in our lives where people thought we were “Big Brave Birds” when the reality was that inside we were feeling weak and vulnerable? I have felt that a few times in my life. The old adage, “never judge a book by its cover” comes to mind, in an odd way. Also, I don’t want people to know that I am vulnerable and weak, so I present myself as calm and in control. Okay- calm is debatable! I believe that we all need to have a circle of friends in our lives that we are able to let down the “Big Brave Bird” facade with, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and transparent. Keeping up the “Big Brave Bird” image is tiring – both emotionaly and physically. We need to be able to talk and know each other’s story and then be able to encourage each other through those times when we are flying low and unsteady. So, what’s your “Big Brave Bird” story?