today, tomorrow & every day…

July 14, 2016July 14, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

I recently received a very beautiful book from a friend.

today, tomorrow & every day THOUGHTS ON LIVING A BRAVE AND REAL AND GORGEOUS LIFE. Written by M.H. Clark and illustrated by Jill Labieniec.

Aside from the powerful content of the writing, the book itself is beautiful, filled with illustrations and photographs. It is put together in the most amazing way visually. I read the words on the pages and was brought to tears. This book is speaking to the very place I am in my life and the direction I am heading.

I decided to share it with you… a little bit at a time accompanied by my personal reflections. You will get to experience the words, but will have to envision the pictures as your heart and mind see them.

It starts like this…

One day she stepped back and took a look at her life. A long, close look. As though it were a city she loved and she was flying high above it, so high that she could see the whole thing.

And she realized something: She liked what she saw. She liked where she had been. She liked where she was going.

When I read these first two pages, I paused and didn’t really want to turn the page. These words were rich and powerful. I closed my eyes and imagined looking at my life. I was overwhelmed. My mind went to more negative thoughts at first, but I was able to change my perspective. I “flew higher” and looked at the whole big picture. I was not completely sold on “liking” what I saw… thus the negative perspective. I realized that I have some work to do! I want to like what I see. I want to like where I’ve been. And I really want to like where I’m going.

And so the journey began! I didn’t realize until I opened the pages of this book that I am right here on this journey… at age 53, longing to live a brave and real and gorgeous life… today, tomorrow and every day. I don’t want to wish away days until something better comes along or changes. I want to be real and courageous today! I want to live out this life well.

As I unravel years and look closely at my life, I hope by the end I WILL like what I see, where I’ve been and where I’m going. This journey won’t be possible without Jesus, my family and amazing friends. I have all of those and I’m blessed.

Come along on this journey with me and begin today by stepping back and taking a look at your life. What do you see? Do you like it?

Circle of Friends · Grace · Hope · Prayer · Seasons · Standing in the Gap · Struggles · Uncategorized

Standing in the Gap…

June 25, 2016June 25, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

I love to pray. I love when people reach out for prayer and I can intercede on their behalf. I don’t take prayer lightly. When I say I will pray for someone, I pray. I stand in the gap for them.

A friend recently asked me what I meant by “stand in the gap.” She had her idea of what it meant, but she wanted to know what I meant by it.

I once heard “standing in the gap” used and I liked it. It was a different way to say I’m praying for you. It originates from the Bible verse in Ezekiel 22:30.

I looked for someone who might rebuild the wall of righteousness that guards the land. I searched for someone to stand in the gap in the wall so I wouldn’t have to destroy the land, but I found no one. (NLT)

The wall in this verse refers to people united in there efforts to resist evil. It was unsuccessful because it was built on religious rituals and messages not founded on God’s will. The people were crying out for spiritual reconstruction. (Taken from NIV Life Application Bible Commentary)

When someone is hurting and in need of prayer, I like to stand before God in that space where the enemy resides as he tries to intervene and destroy. Cries for prayer send the enemy into action. He slips into that gap between the person and God. I like to stand in that gap and keep the enemy out, calling on God on their behalf.

When I’m reaching out for prayer, I’m not always at my strongest spiritually. I love knowing that I can reach out to others to stand in that gap and keeping that space holy and sacred… keeping the enemy out.

Standing in the gap…

When we pray for someone we are doing just that. It’s not a fancy version of praying or better than praying. It IS praying. We all do it when we reach out and pray for another soul. This brings me great comfort.

Cats · Circle of Life · Death · Grace · Growth · Healing · Hope · Lessons Learned · life happens... · Loss · My Journey · Pets · Struggles · The Journey · Uncategorized · Vacation/Questions to Ponder

Grief Revisited…

June 24, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

It takes only a song, a smell, a memory shared on FB, a sound, a picture, a date on the calendar… and the grief comes flooding back. Fresh as the day it began.

Today was just that… a date on the calendar. Four months to the day. A time on the clock. It happened right now. The emotions and sadness and heaviness surfaced back up to the top of the heap. I’ve worked so hard to let them go… to quell the sadness… to replace the sorrow with sweet memories that make me smile instead of cry. Her reminders around the house have brought me peace and comfort… until today.

Grief doesn’t happen in a straight line.

Those were the best words ever shared with me by a counselor I sat with for a year after my divorce. And how true they were. I’ve shared them with many friends over the past ten years as they’ve walked through the various stages of grief.

Today I was caught off guard and had to practice what I’ve been preaching!

Four months ago the tears were daily… many times a day. That tapered down to once a day and then several times a week. Eventually the tears have subsided; replaced by a smile and a little whisper that I miss her.

This afternoon felt raw and fresh. Tears. That lost feeling deep in my soul. How has it been four months? It feels like it just happened.

Tonight I’m upstairs preparing a space for a new little kitten (or two!) to join our household. It scares me to turn them loose in our huge old house so I’m creating a space that is smaller and more contained. Eventually they can graduate to the big house!

As I’m sitting here in my rocking chair that Abigail and I spent many hours sharing, I’m having a moment. I feel like the widow that visits her late husbands grave asking him to release her to move on and love again. It sounds crazy, but it’s real. I am, in a sense, asking Abigail to release me to love another kitten or two. Up until now it’s felt like betrayal. How can I love another cat like I’ve loved Abigail for 16 years?

Tonight’s grief revisited has been a blessing. It purged another layer of grief and nudged me to begin to prepare for new life in our home. Once I have the space prepared and the essentials purchased and staged, I will begin the search. I know God will put the right little eyes and ears in my path at just the right moment. Our hearts will connect and a new story will begin.

Abigail’s story will not be forgotten. There will never be another Bubba Girl, but there will be new memories to make and a new one to love and grow with. It’s time. This grief revisited has opened a new door of possibilities and adventures.

Fun · Gifts · Grace · Hope · My Journey · Quiet Pleasures · The Journey · Uncategorized · Vacation

Sacred Indulgence…

April 10, 2016April 10, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

This past week I went on a trip to visit my sister. Away from home. Away from all of the responsibilities of my daily life.

While on my little getaway, we snuck away for a few days to a spa on the bay. On our way up we detoured and visited the tulip fields – a bucket list item for me. We took a sonic drive off the beaten path and the scenery was spectacular. Once to our destination the sun began to peak out. Our room was beautiful and the view spectacular. We ate out, walked along the water, shopped, and strolled around the little town. We also just relaxed and did a little bit of nothing.

While this was amazing, I found myself thinking about all of the things I should have been attending to at home during spring break.

Many people I know take these little trips all the time. It’s their normal. Not mine. This isn’t even a once a year even for me. It was truly a treat!

My ability to let down and relax is difficult. After all, I should be home taking care of my responsibilities. Now was the time to test a new way of thinking and acting!

On our last evening, we scheduled massages at the spa. Wow! The experience from start to finish was wild. Like nothing I’ve ever done. It was all about me the entire time. Life is rarely all about me. I’m all about everyone else from my job to my home. I spend most every day taking care of others.

I found parts of the spa experience easy to partake of, while others were difficult. The hardest part was not talking for an entire hour! And for that one hour I did absolutely nothing! I was completely still except for the actual massage happening. That doesn’t even happen when I sleep, as I toss and turn all night!

The massage was just part of a week of indulgences. An indulgence is the attitude of allowing yourself or someone else to have something enjoyable. It was a wonderful time! I had to step out of myself and let people “indulge” me. I had to…no, I GOT to… receive rather than give. That is a tough one for me. It is difficult for me to let others do for me. I am much more comfortable giving than receiving.

As I’ve contemplated the week, I’ve been drawn to think about my relationship with the Lord. I’m good at giving to Him. I give Him my “prayers” or lists of things I’d like Him to help me with. I give Him time most days, but honestly I’m usually pretty busy during that time. The hard part for me is what I’m going to call a “sacred indulgence.” It’s that time where I get to let Jesus love on me and I do absolutely nothing but receive from him. It’s that time when I am being still and know that He is God… He is in control, not me. Quieting myself to receive all that He has for me. Indulging in His grace and love. It’s free and I don’t have to travel far from home. It costs nothing but my intentional, uninterrupted time and willingness to let go and let Him love on me…a sacred indulgence.

Circle of Life · Death · Grace · Hope

A Legacy Left Behind…

October 27, 2015October 27, 2015 Thoughts and Reflections on Life3 Comments

It’s been a whirlwind since getting the text that dad was back in the hospital… probably pneumonia. I made a visit that evening to visit him with my brother. This felt familiar. At this point in his 90 year old life Dad had made many of these visits. He was in good spirits for the most part and talked of getting out of there the next day.

The following night I went back to see Dad and we were told that he was more or less given the directive to go home and call hospice. He would continue to get aspiration pneumonia and there was nothing they could do. Wow…

Dad was angry. He hadn’t really given the end of his life much thought, after all the Zags were gearing up to begin a new season. He told us it was overwhelming news. Of course…

Three days later they moved him to a care center to rehab and regain strength to be able to go home. After a visit with four of my siblings a few days later, I knew deep in my heart that he was not going home.

Five days later my dad made a difficult and final decision. He chose to begin End of Life Care… to begin dying. He would no longer eat or take his medications. Any form of swallowing was more and more difficult and he was choking to death. That was Monday.

I spent the afternoon with him on Tuesday. He was alert and in fairly good spirits. He struggled to talk so conversation was minimal. We held hands and I spent a great deal of time looking at his blue eyes. His blue eyes that were beginning to lose their life. His blue eyes that he passed on to me. His hands were soft and his skin transparent.

Thursday I went to spend the afternoon with him. One of my sisters had come from Seattle to say goodbye. They had some sweet words and I love you’s. I was also able to look Dad in his blue eyes, holding his hand and tell him that I loved him… very much. He looked back at me and told me he loved me deeply… deeply. Those were are last words spoken to each other directly.

An hour and a half after arriving he took out his iPhone and played Mahjong one last time. Shortly after that he began to slip away. Trying to make him as comfortable as possible we put him in his favorite Zag sweatshirt. We left the room for a time and when we came back everything had changed. No more alertness or ability to have conversations. He was now actively dying. His breathing changed. It was just a matter of making him comfortable and waiting… waiting. Deep in his soul he was probably relieved. Several days before he told my sister it was taking a long time. He passed peacefully 14 hours or so later holding the hand of his wife.

What must go through your mind as you lay dying… knowing you are dying. I learned that once they begin this process, it is more of a spiritual battle than physical. His body no longer needed anything, but his soul had to make the transition. We all prayed that he had made his peace with Jesus. He as expressed earlier in this journey that he had made a great many mistakes in his life and was not sure what was next for him. My dear brother shared with him from the gospel of John.

“To all who receive him, to those who believe in his name, he has given them the right to be called children of God.” John 1:12

It is that simple. We’ve all made mistakes… he was not alone. For my dad it came down to one truth… and only God knows what happened in his heart.

I believe God gave my dad a gift. The gift to time to say goodbye and try to mend some fences. It’s been a long and tumultuous battle in our family. Great heartache and sadness, along with wonderful times and sweet memories. Each of us that he fathered has our own story to tell from our time on this earth with him. Some of us a little more difficult than others.

So the whirlwind end to my dad’s life has finished. Yesterday we buried him in a beautiful spot above the river. Now we each begin to untangle the memories and bring closure to another relationship… our last parental relationship. We lost our mom suddenly nearly 7 years ago.

May the God of hope bring each of us to a place of ultimate forgiveness and peace with the man that gave us life. And may we live our lives out with strength and courage to remember what was good and right, and let go of what needs to be forgotten. We are his legacy… and we need to live it out with all that our Father in heaven has given us.

Growth · Healing · Hope · Intentional Self · My Journey

Journey to Find Me…

June 25, 2015 Thoughts and Reflections on Life3 Comments

For one year now I’ve been on a journey with a life-coach. Every three weeks we speak on the phone for 30 minutes. During that time we recap the previous three-week period and set some goals for the coming weeks.

Coaching is different from counseling. We don’t spend time hashing out all of my past and dirty laundry. We speak in the here and now with the goal of moving forward and growing.

At the beginning of this journey I was tasked with creating a vision/mission/purpose for my life… something I’ve never done. It was challenging. I’ve spent my entire life putting others first, never really thinking about what I wanted. Now it was time I became my number one priority.

My Vision/Purpose:
My life is a good/healthy balance between giving myself to others and taking time for me.
Giving myself to others encompasses my job/career (even doing work in the summer), personal time spent taking care of the people in my life (family, friends) and saying yes to things people ask of me.
Taking time for me encompasses doing things that nurture my passion, creativity and soul, and that are good for me.
Both of these involve surrounding myself with healthy people and being able to reach out and ask for help if needed.

The journey has been very positive and also challenging at the same time. Some conversations were easy to have and encouraging. Others, difficult and seemed to last forever. Occasionally I’d start out almost dreading our time and hang up refreshed and encouraged; ready to tackle a new day!

My coach is real and honest – something I really appreciate, even in the difficult conversations. She challenges me on many levels – spiritual, personal, emotional, relational and physical. She does not mince words or sugar-coat. She speaks with truth and asks hard questions, while at the same time encouraging and affirming the work I am doing. She challenges me with spiritual tasks as well as everyday practical tasks. She helps me balance the areas of my life that are unevenly weighted. We both pray before our sessions and God always shows up.

Mid-way through this past year, I did an analysis of “My Intentional Self.” I listed what was successful and what still needed time and work. To my surprise, I was far more successful than I thought I’d been with nurturing and growing my intentional self… ME! When I shared those things that I felt were in-progress, she gave me suggestions on how to carry on and see change. She gave me hope along the journey.

Winter into spring brought challenges that seemed daunting. She helped me see God in them and gave me hope and tools to press through them.

At that point I really couldn’t see the forest for the trees. The sessions seems to be getting harder. One night in March, I was feeling very flat and it seemed that I was falling into a hole of isolation. During our conversation she stopped and said with conviction,

“You are strong – really really strong!”

I was stopped in my tracks and totally taken aback. I am? Really?
I had moved so far into feeling tired and discouraged that I was missing monumental changes surfacing in me and my life. What a gift to receive on that cold March evening, for it was that strength and encouragement I needed to get through the last three months of school. For in those months, I operated more in keeping my head above water and surviving. I was extremely tired and that made for a more difficult journey.

So, here I am a year later. As I look back over the past year I am encouraged. I’m different. I’m stronger. I look at my life through a different lens than I had 12 months prior. A better, stronger, more positive lens. It’s one that says I matter… I’m worth it… I’m valued. It’s one that says “I can do this – no matter what difficulties are thrown my way.” I am stronger even though I’m exhausted and ready for a summer break to rest and rejuvenate.

I’m once again brought back to my vision and purpose. I’m not going to just survive… I’m going to thrive! My summer is filled with things I WANT to do, not just need to do. I’m taking ownership of what I value in my life, not what I think I should do or what I think people expect of me. At our session last night I set a reasonable goal for the next three weeks and I’m off! In the meantime, I’m going to take a nap… because it’s what I want to do!

Having someone to coach and guide and be that outside perspective is powerful. I have an accountability that pushes me, but is filled with grace. I wish for everyone to have that someone in their lives that can take them on a journey to find their purpose and live intentionally… one day at a time.

Grace · Healing · Hope · Prayers

It IS Well With Our Souls…

May 16, 2015 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

Uncertainty… fear… worry… pending crisis… facing the unknown.

We all struggle with these. Some seasons feel more intense than others. Where do you go when we are living in these uncertain times? Whom do you call? Do you face them alone?

This morning I awoke with some uncertain fears and worries on my mind. I immediately found myself on the patio with a warm blanket and coffee… ready to spend some time praying and processing those things weighing heavy on my heart. As I opened my ipad to head to Jesus Calling, a message popped up from a very dear friend. She was on her knees crying out to Jesus with her own pending crisis… facing the unknown. She was crying out to Jesus and asking me to join her in prayer.

Suddenly, my struggles were not my focus and I began to encourage her and intercede in prayer on her behalf. The weight of my struggles lessened as did the weight of hers.

Why?

Because we both brought our needs to the Father and in that moment we shared the load. We cut the burden in half – each taking a part. It might be a silly analogy, but it works. If your load is heavy and you give someone half… your load becomes lighter.

I went to the throne room on behalf of my friend and was able to leave some of my stuff there with hers! My early morning quiet time was interrupted by what seemed a greater need. Now, I’m not saying one need is greater than the other… what’s ours is ours. We can’t compare. But I was able to re-adjust my focus and get to the place of surrender without letting it overwhelm me or letting the enemy in. When we reach up and out, we push satan away and he has no room in our lives. He has lost.

We think that when we go to God with our “stuff” that we are trying to win the battle. Truth be told, the battle has already been won. When there is a battle, the king sits on the throne, they don’t pace or run around fighting. It’s the same for our King. The battle has already been won and now Jesus sits at the right hand of His Father. He has won the battle for us by dying on the cross. Now we can know that peace… even amidst our battles.

By the end of our time together (via the ipad) this morning, my friend and I both felt more peaceful about our situations. We joined together and brought them to the Father, and He, from His throne of grace, came down and comforted us both. What a gift!

It is difficult, at times, to reach out when you are hurting. My encouragement to you is just do it. My friend and I have learned that we are always there and willing to share the burden of the other. God always meets us and walks us through our valleys and gives us courage to endure what the rest of the day brings. We come away knowing that no matter what… It IS well with our souls.

Grace · Healing · Hope · life happens... · The Journey

Abide With Me…

April 12, 2015April 12, 2015 Thoughts and Reflections on Life1 Comment

Some days I’m footloose and fancy free! I glide through the days without a worry or a care. Everything seems right with the world.

Some days I wake with a heavy heart. Full of worry. Full of fear. Wondering what is next. Anxious.

I’ve learned that no matter the state of my heart, I need to begin my day in the presence of my Father… first with a heart of thanksgiving, then giving Him all that worries me.

This morning I awoke with a heavy heart… and my cat vomiting outside my bedroom door! I’ve learned not to jump up and rush to her for that only propels her to other parts of the house as she continues up be sick. I stood in the doorway and prayed. I prayed for her and for me. I could feel the heaviness on my heart.

After cleaning up the mess, I felt the need to go for a walk. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. I gathered my needed items – walking shoes, hoodie, phone, ear buds. I programmed both of my fitness apps and away I went.

Each step was giving one more worry up to God. Each step was asking him to reveal His presence to me. Each step.

Matt Maher was my music of choice this morning.

Abide with me. Abide with me. Don’t let me fall and don’t let go.
Walk with me and never leave. Ever close, God abide with me.

He went on to sing about Gesthemane before the cross and the nails. Feeling overwhelmed and alone to pray, God met Him in his suffering and bore his shame.

So by this point I’m walking and weeping. The song continues. God’s love is a love that will never let us go. A love that will never let me go. A love that will never let you go. Then the final line of the song plays…

… eternity. Weep no more. Sing for joy. Abide with me.

Okay God. I’m listening.

My morning walk was at the high school track. I have a little routine I follow and I am not distracted by houses, yards, dogs, cars, etc. The track is in full sun and it is warm!

Each time I rounded the north corner there in front of me was my long slender shadow (if only it was that long and slender in real life!!!). I was never able to see my shadow behind me. The second time I rounded the corner the message was pretty clear for me.

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. – Philipians 3:13-14 (NIV)

I MUST keep my eyes forward and NOT dwell on what has already happened or not happened. My time here has a purpose. Some days that is very clear to me. Other days it is clouded and unclear… and hard.

This spring I’m learning that I’m not alone. We all have a cross to carry and things that weigh heavy on us. We also work hard to put our best foot forward and appear to have it all together. Then I’m reminded that Jesus took people alongside him into the Garden of Gesthemane. Yes, he spent time with his Father alone but he also had trusted friends along to share his pain. This morning I went into the garden alone and God met me. I asked Him to reveal Himself to me and He did. For that I am grateful and thankful.

How vulnerable are we to let that trusted few into our lives to share in our journey? How willing are we to keep our eyes forward and on the prize… eternity? Are thanksgiving and praise the first thing out of our mouth in the morning… even when we awake heavy-hearted? I’m asking myself this (as Anne Voskamp says… #preachingthegospeltomyself)…but also challenging you.

28 Days · exercise · Grace · Health · Hope · Lessons Learned · life happens... · Prayers · Questions to Ponder · Seasons · Struggles · The Journey

It’s Not a Sprint…

February 16, 2015February 16, 2015 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

As I continue down this path to better health, I’m learning more and more about myself each day. Today I ventured out on another walk by myself. I’m rather enjoying these solo treks as they give me time to breathe, process, let go, pray and just BE. I decided to head to the high school and walk the track on this sunny day, knowing the entire track would be in the bright sunshine! I have a routine. First I begin in lane one and each time I loop around I switch to another lane working my way to lane 8. Walking alone gives me “think time.”

Today I had a huge revelation about myself and why I chose to go to the track and not walk the neighborhoods. The track is predictable. I know where I am, where I’m going and how to get home. When I walk the neighborhoods, I am not always sure where I am. I get caught up in looking at yards and houses, allowing my mind to get distracted by those things. On the track, I don’t have to think about where I am or where I’m going. Being that this whole exercise thing is something I’m learning to like, it felt good to have a little control of the situation. I like things to be planned out and predictable. I wish I were more spontaneous and daring. I love the comfort of the track.

Today there were three high school girls there with a track coach. They were warming up and then moved to the other side of the track and were working on starts for their sprints. They were coming out of those starting blocks very quickly. I tried to steer clear of their work while still keeping to my 1-8 lane progression! As I watched them come up out of those blocks quickly, I realized something else about my journey. This journey is not a sprint. I can’t think that I can do everything fast and furious to get quick results. I did not get fat overnight and I won’t change overnight.

Today is Day 15 and I was very discouraged over the weekend. I don’t look different at all. I feel better, but nothing has changed as far as my body. Another mindset that I need to let go of. Just because I have done good things for a few weeks does not mean I’m good to go and a changed woman! Past failures can be linked to this very mindset flaw. I’m in this for the long haul, not for a short sprint. I am changing old habits and old belief systems. First and foremost, my goal is better health so I can live my remaining days on this earth active and able to fulfill God’s calling on my life. I want to feel good each day as I get out of bed and have energy to attack the day! I want to be fit for the day when we have grandchildren! It is not going to happen overnight. It’s a daily decision I make to love myself enough to make good choices and afford myself the time to take care of ME.

My initial goal was February. I can do anything for 28 days. After that I was not sure what I would do, because deep down I thought that in those 28 days my life would be transformed and I would be “normal.” I’m still looking to the end of February to celebrate the initial goal I set, but I know that I like this and want to continue into the rest of my days! I’ve now set another goal for my 52nd birthday and I honestly think I can get there! Funny thing about it is that it’s going to take time and energy and work… all things that I have to do. No one can do them for me. I have to love myself enough to make it work! My biggest supporter, God, has assured me that He will never let go of me or my dream. Together… we’ve got this!

So, today I celebrate 14 days of healthy eating and close to 20 miles of walking! It feels great! I’m encouraged! I hope you are encouraged if you need that today. If I can do this… so can you! If you are doubting that you can make changes in an area of your life, invite God to join you and love yourself enough to try it today! One foot in front of the other!

28 Days · Fun · Gifts · Grace · Gratitude Friday · Healing · Health · Hope · Lessons Learned · Seasons · The Journey · Uncategorized

To Share or Not to Share…

February 13, 2015February 13, 2015 Thoughts and Reflections on Life1 Comment

As I approach my 52nd birthday, I’ve come to the conclusion that good health is not going to happen on it’s own. If I want to be healthier, thinner, in better shape… I must work at it! I’ve struggled with my weight since the womb! I was born fat! With this gift has come 51 years of bad habits, disappointments, old tapes that play over and over and a very fragile self-esteem.

Upon turning 50, I began to be a bit more assertive and confident. Having spent my entire life being a people-pleaser and peace maker, I decided it was high time I took care of ME! I’ve slowly begun to care more about what is best for me and not just what is best for others.

Also upon turning 50, my body began to show more signs of aging than ever before! It’s true what they say… everything goes downhill… literally! Things that I could always do, even being overweight, were getting more difficult. This bummed me out and worried me. If I feel this way at 50 then what will I feel like at 60? 70?

Over the past 4 years or so I’ve been taking wellness steps. They have been life-changing. I’m healthier than I’ve ever been… except for the weight. The weight that has been mine and only mine for 51 years. It’s a heavy burden to bear… literally!

February 2, I began walking down a new path. A clean-eating path that does not include sugar, processed foods or gluten. The gluten part is an experiment to see how I feel. Today marks 12 days of freedom from these things! I’ve also committed to some sort of movement each day. If you know me at all, you know that I’ve never met an exercise that I like! It’s not my go-to! In my mind I long to be a sleek runner out enjoying the fresh air. My reality – too much weight on my old bones and it’s just not pretty!

For the past 2+ weeks, I’ve found a new love for walking outside. I have walking tapes… they bore me to death! We have had spring-like weather and I’m starting to take advantage of it! It feels good!

I’m learning so much about myself as I work to care for me on a more intentional level. I’ve got some very old tapes to destroy and some habits to break… one day at a time. One thing I’m learning is that I have to make my journey public. Without accountability I will never succeed.

My struggle is that it feels very self-serving to tell others about the successes that I’ve had. I’m more inclined to tell you when I’ve failed than succeeded. That is a mindset that I must change. I need the encouragement of others and I want to be that encourager to others as well! Why does it feel bad to share the positive? If feels like bragging and I learned as a kid that bragging was not a good virtue.

So, when I post on FB a success I’ve had, I’m not bragging… I’m celebrating! And yes, I love the “way to go’s” and “good job’s”! I love the encouragement… we all do! We all need to surround ourselves with a community that lifts us up and helps us along the way… even when we slip and fall.

This morning as I walked, I was smiling the entire way! I was outside moving! I was breathing and moving and doing something good for ME! All by myself! If you know me, you know that I don’t really like to do things alone. Today, I put on my big girls and my new bright blue shoes and hit the road! I was accompanied by the Decemberists and walked a Personal Best!

I’m so thankful to not be on this journey alone. I have a wonderful support network and I’m learning that it’s okay to let the world know! I have a new love for ME that I have never really had. And that love is fueled by my amazing God in heaven! He created me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I am not defined by my job, my husband, my scale or anything or anyone else. I am a daughter of the King and He is the reason I got out of bed this morning!

So, here’s to 50 more years of healthy living… for it’s never too late to make a change!