To Share or Not to Share…

February 13, 2015February 13, 2015 Thoughts and Reflections on Life1 Comment

As I approach my 52nd birthday, I’ve come to the conclusion that good health is not going to happen on it’s own. If I want to be healthier, thinner, in better shape… I must work at it! I’ve struggled with my weight since the womb! I was born fat! With this gift has come 51 years of bad habits, disappointments, old tapes that play over and over and a very fragile self-esteem.

Upon turning 50, I began to be a bit more assertive and confident. Having spent my entire life being a people-pleaser and peace maker, I decided it was high time I took care of ME! I’ve slowly begun to care more about what is best for me and not just what is best for others.

Also upon turning 50, my body began to show more signs of aging than ever before! It’s true what they say… everything goes downhill… literally! Things that I could always do, even being overweight, were getting more difficult. This bummed me out and worried me. If I feel this way at 50 then what will I feel like at 60? 70?

Over the past 4 years or so I’ve been taking wellness steps. They have been life-changing. I’m healthier than I’ve ever been… except for the weight. The weight that has been mine and only mine for 51 years. It’s a heavy burden to bear… literally!

February 2, I began walking down a new path. A clean-eating path that does not include sugar, processed foods or gluten. The gluten part is an experiment to see how I feel. Today marks 12 days of freedom from these things! I’ve also committed to some sort of movement each day. If you know me at all, you know that I’ve never met an exercise that I like! It’s not my go-to! In my mind I long to be a sleek runner out enjoying the fresh air. My reality – too much weight on my old bones and it’s just not pretty!

For the past 2+ weeks, I’ve found a new love for walking outside. I have walking tapes… they bore me to death! We have had spring-like weather and I’m starting to take advantage of it! It feels good!

I’m learning so much about myself as I work to care for me on a more intentional level. I’ve got some very old tapes to destroy and some habits to break… one day at a time. One thing I’m learning is that I have to make my journey public. Without accountability I will never succeed.

My struggle is that it feels very self-serving to tell others about the successes that I’ve had. I’m more inclined to tell you when I’ve failed than succeeded. That is a mindset that I must change. I need the encouragement of others and I want to be that encourager to others as well! Why does it feel bad to share the positive? If feels like bragging and I learned as a kid that bragging was not a good virtue.

So, when I post on FB a success I’ve had, I’m not bragging… I’m celebrating! And yes, I love the “way to go’s” and “good job’s”! I love the encouragement… we all do! We all need to surround ourselves with a community that lifts us up and helps us along the way… even when we slip and fall.

This morning as I walked, I was smiling the entire way! I was outside moving! I was breathing and moving and doing something good for ME! All by myself! If you know me, you know that I don’t really like to do things alone. Today, I put on my big girls and my new bright blue shoes and hit the road! I was accompanied by the Decemberists and walked a Personal Best!

I’m so thankful to not be on this journey alone. I have a wonderful support network and I’m learning that it’s okay to let the world know! I have a new love for ME that I have never really had. And that love is fueled by my amazing God in heaven! He created me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I am not defined by my job, my husband, my scale or anything or anyone else. I am a daughter of the King and He is the reason I got out of bed this morning!

So, here’s to 50 more years of healthy living… for it’s never too late to make a change!

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Where I’m From…

January 7, 2015 Thoughts and Reflections on Life4 Comments

I’ve joined a month long writing group and our first assignment was to get in touch with where we came from. We were tasked with writing a poem…not my strong area! The format came from a poem written by George Ella Lyons. So, today I become a bit more vulnerable in my writing and share with you a snippet of Where I’m From…

Where I’m From…

I am from “Kevin, Mary, Kathy, Mike, Megan, Jeff, Jenny, Matt”
and a kitchen table made from a door!
From children that were to be seen and not heard and ironing hankies.
From the big house on the corner with lots of gardens to weed.

I am from the front pew of church full of legs trying not to swing
and the white baptismal dress passed down.
From real butter and link sausage on Christmas and Easter.
From a teacher, a newspaper man, and seven of eight.

I am from pine needle houses and imaginary horses.
From half cheese glasses of juice, cookie cans above the stove
and hot dogs roasted over the fire.
From Herb Alpert and Firestone Christmas albums.

I am from people who loved me even if they struggled to show it.
From Sunday night pot roast and Wonderful World of Disney.
From beach fires, skinny dipping, inner tubes, bee stings and
the deep blue waters of Bead Lake.

I am from hard times and amazing times.
From a family torn apart…
But a childhood lived well.

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365 Days of Our Story…

January 1, 2015 Thoughts and Reflections on Life2 Comments

It’s really just another day on the calendar. 12:01 AM and the new day begins. 364 days out of the year I’m sleeping when this transition takes place… completely unaware. But there is that one time each calendar year I’m actually awake when that clock strikes midnight. There’s fanfare and noise and kissing. It seems to be magical. Poof! It’s not just a new day… it’s a new year! Out with the old and in with the new. Fresh start. New beginnings. Resolutions made to NOT make resolutions (oh that’s another blog for another day!).

I woke early this morning. Oh, how I’d like to say it’s because I was so excited for the new year and all it has to offer. Nope. I woke because the heat came on, my bladder was screaming and my worry button turned on… right on schedule. I was determined to stay in bed and sleep. But alas, my brain won out and I had to get up.

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.

These words are going around FB. I posted the picture. It’s kind of exciting! There is that fresh start we all long for. Of course I want to write a good one. Who doesn’t? I wanted that for 2014. That story was full of heartache and struggle, while at the same time covered with grace. Was it the story that I wanted to write? Nope. Do we ever get the story we hope for? As a writer of sorts, the only way to get that story written exactly as I want is to write fiction… create what I want to happen.

Our life story is not fiction. It’s true mystery, suspense, comedy and a love story. Each of these genres weave in and out of our daily comings and goings.

My story for 2015 is not yet written. It’s just beginning. As I lay awake in the early hours this morning, I felt a heaviness and fear creep over me. Suddenly, the hugeness of the next 365 days overwhelmed me. Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? What if? The idea of the vastness of what could happen seemed to press down on my spirit.

My life is full of messiness and clutter and unmet expectations. I imagine that many of us might just feel the same way if we let ourselves truly be honest. My life is also full of love and blessings and joy, but I let the heartache of 2014 overshadow those.

As I day in bed on this first day of the next 365 days, I began to pray… for that is the only thing that quelled the fear that was grabbing my heart and mind. I can’t look ahead on the calendar… I can only look at today… right now, for anxiety is born when we look at what has not yet happened.

                              “I can’t do it all, all the time,
                                              All I can do is
                                         Just. The. Next. Thing.
                                         Right now, at this time.
                                               – Ann Voskamp

So my prayer for today and everyday of the next 365 is this…

Lord Jesus, thank you for the opportunity to write the story you have blessed me with. God, I know my story will be full of mystery, intrigue, love, heartache, loss… for you never promised that fairy tale I have always longed for. I pray that I will stay on the my path that you have placed me on… even if it seems difficult and doesn’t look like that of others. Help me to see the surprises and joys and grace that you will place in front of me. Give me just what I need at just the moment I need it… and let that be enough. I pray this also for those you’ve put in my life – whether they be near or far. May You be revealed to each of us in a deeper and greater way this year… and may we keep our eyes and heart wide open each day to see all that you have for us. Let it be done… let it be so… in Jesus’ name.

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For Everything There is a Season…

September 23, 2014September 23, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on Life2 Comments

Seasons come and seasons go. Some seem to last forever and some seem to be gone overnight. Some are dictated by the calendar and others by the events in our lives.

Today marks the first day of autumn… my favorite season. While is it just a date on the calendar, it feels different. The trees are no longer that deep rich green. Everything is beginning to take on the yellow and red hues. Because of our dry summer, the leaves are beginning to turn earlier and in some places that have been cooler in the evenings, raining down out of the skies.

There is a chill in the air. That chill that says summer is gone. This morning I awoke to a slight patter of rain… a sound I’ve not heard in a while. Squirrels are madly gathering nuts and cones to store up for winter. Friday nights are filled with football games, marching bands, warm blankets and pumpkin spice lattes. Weekends are spent putting everything outside away for the winter. Soon, we will begin the annual leaf-raking adventure.

Autumn… the season where things begin to die off and prepare to rest for the winter. The season of change.

Some seasons are not calendar driven. Some are seasons in our lives based on circumstances. Often, these seasons are not planned nor anticipated. Sometimes they just show up unexpected; catching us off guard. We may or may not have been given a bit of warning to prepare.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ASV)

God uses seasons on our lives to challenge us… strengthen us… give us rest… bless us. Some are more difficult than others. I’ve been through many seasons in my life… more in the past few years than I’d ever imagined. When I’ve been able to keep my eye on Jesus, no matter the difficulty I’ve never gone it alone. My faith and character have grown. I know that there are more to come, but I choose to live for today – the quiet season He has me in right now.

In the meantime, I’m going to relish this calendar season of autumn… for it’s my favorite! I look for this change to bring new challenges, growth and memories to cherish forever. (And maybe a pumpkin spice latter or two!)

What season are you in right now? Are you embracing it?
Continue reading “For Everything There is a Season…” →

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Beautiful…

July 25, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

What defines beauty?

What qualities deem one beautiful?

Recently on FB, there is a game (for lack of a better term) going around. If you are tagged, you are asked to post five photo’s of yourself in which you feel beautiful. I have only seen a few people take on the challenge. Is that because it is new and not challenged many women yet? Or is it because women don’t feel deserving of posting photo’s in which they feel beautiful?

What makes a person beautiful? Money? Status? Fame? Hair color? Character? Size?

I posed a question to my FB friends recently. What do you think of when you hear the word beautiful in regards to a person? What is your definition of beautiful? Be honest! Go!

I received many replies, and for that I am grateful. I wish I could post them all. Here are a few of what people shared…

Fruits of the Spirit, love, joy , peace, patience, gentleness, self-control, all wrapped in a package of thankfulness. A beautiful person is born from times of trial that forge and season their hearts.

It radiates from the inside out. Someone who is beautiful, smiles and makes you smile, just because you are inspired through them. You can feel their beauty, not just see it.

I believe a beautiful person has all these qualities, but doesn’t “know” it; humble and selfless, gives to others even when they don’t have anything to give but a smile and their love.

Balanced in care for others and self. Gentle in spirit.

Someone, who even in the midst of ugliness and pain, manages to shine!

Someone who has joy in their life. It shows from the inside out!

I noticed as I read each person’s reply, that no one really made it about physical appearance. It was about character and heart and attitude. Yet, our society has made it all about appearance.

Our poor teens don’t stand a chance. I have two stunningly beautiful step daughters… absolutely gorgeous. Both of them struggle with being pretty enough. They embody physical beauty associated with appearance. Our world has made it very difficult. Beauty is about size, shape, hair color, skin tone, clothing, money/status… must I go on? This breaks my heart. We have a generation growing up that has missed the part about “beauty forged from times of trial.” Or “balanced in care for others and self.” This generation does not think of others. They’ve been trained to look out for number one! And being beautiful is on the top of the list.

I know in my head that beauty is not about physical appearance. Yes, there are people out there that are truly “beautiful” in a physical sense. Our eyes are drawn to them. We often compare ourselves to them, whether we know it or not.

While I KNOW that beauty goes beyond physical, I don’t always believe it for myself. For others, absolutely! I can see beauty in each one of you! I can convince you that you are THE MOST beautiful person out there! But when I turn the tables and see myself in that mirror, all that I know about what truly makes one beautiful goes out the window!

Am I going to be chosen for a cover spot on a magazine? NO! Do I turn heads as I walk down the street! Oh gracious no! Will I make the list for the most beautiful people? Mum, NO! Thank goodness!

I KNOW that my beauty comes from deep within and it was given to me and is nurtured by my heavenly Father. I am infinitely precious to Him. How very much He loves me. He is with me. He has cried tears and rejoiced with me. I am worth it to Him. I am beautiful.

Now to get my head and my heart to agree on this issue! I am going to find five photo’s that I feel beautiful in. I don’t plan on sharing them, but it is a challenge I want to take on. I’ve got layer upon layer of issues in my life that coupled with the word beautiful, cause great agony and heartache. I’ve got a long way to go.

My beloved spoke and said to me, arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. (Song of Solomon 2:10)

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The Mix of Life’s Emotions…

July 3, 2014July 3, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

Social media is changing the way we live. The way we view life. The way we view people around us. We all want to present well. We generally don’t tweet or post the ugly stuff in our lives. We post the good stuff. The happy times. That one photograph that can make everyone think we’ve got it all together. I don’t think most of us do this intentionally. It comes naturally. We want people to see the good in our lives, not the struggles.

Everyone has a story. We all carry joys and burdens around with us each day. Some with greater joy and less heartache. Others with more heartache than joy. Some of us have the ability to keep that heartache tucked away neatly so others may not see it. Some buried so deeply they themselves don’t even see it. Others wear their hearts on their shirtsleeves, walking around transparent to those around them.

Life is hard. Life is amazing. Life is scary. Life is exciting. Life is full of hurt. Life is full of love. Life is difficult relationships. Life is incredible relationships.

It’s nearly impossible to always live as if life if great, grand and glorious! To wear that smile and attitude as if we’ve got everything in control is a burden in itself.

The flip side of that is that it’s exhausting to live with the hurts and trials of life dominating our world. Walking around with the glass half empty.

Our lives are a mix of struggles and joy. We’ve got to embrace them as they come and not try to hide or bury them. Exposing our heart a little more can allow not only ourselves to embrace the journey, but let others join us, so together WE can walk the path.

Life is full of emotions that collide in the moment. This can be a beautiful thing if we let them.

Sadness and gratitude.
Grief and grace.
Pain and beauty.

One without the other can be overwhelming. Finding gratitude amidst sadness brings hope. Receiving and extending grace as we grieve is healing. Finding beauty in our pain strengthens our endurance.

We must live an authentic life. People want to see our true hearts and struggles, not just our best FB world! We are called to reach out to others in our time of need and in theirs. Isolation is lonely. Fellowship is glorious and healing. Finding a community of people to come alongside and share this journey we are on. This journey that is full sadness and gratitude… grief and grace… pain and beauty.

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Everyday Miracles…

April 20, 2014April 20, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!” …

Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?” “They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?” Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.” Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”). (John 20:1-16 NIV)

Miracle of all miracles. Mary’s son beat death. No one would have imagined it as they watched him die an agonizing death on the cross two days earlier. The tomb was empty. Lives forever changed. He conquered death for us.

Many people believe that miracles only happened in the bible. You only read about that stuff. Not today. Not now.

What miracles are happening around us each day that we don’t recognize because they are not grand and glorious like raising someone from the dead? Are we blind to them? Our minds and eyes perceive them as small, yet they are not. No miracle is small. When God does the miraculous, it’s huge.

Springtime blooming after a long, cold winter. New life budding on the tree limbs more and more each day. Opening up and ready to grow and flourish. A little girl coming home to her daddy. Turning from struggles and asking for help. Wanting to change, grow and flourish… much like that spring bloom.

Miracles. I can see God’s handprint and I’m in awe. Overwhelmed. Waiting in great anticipation for what is next.

On this Resurrection Sunday my hands are open wide and my heart is yearning for more of God’s miracles. Miracles in the ordinary things of our lives. Turning the secular into the sacred. Opening my heart and mind to see more of what is going on around me. Searching for miracles. Expecting miracles.

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Too Much Information…

April 10, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on Life5 Comments

Do you ever feel like you know too much? Overwhelmed with health and wellness advice? Hearing in the news what’s good for you and what’s not? Hear about the side effects of medication made to help you? Read about the latest and greatest way to eat?

At this juncture in my life I feel overwhelmed by too much information. I have been on a wellness journey for the past 3+ years. It involves regular visits to an amazing chiropractor who is helping me with my overall health and wellness. Along with that, I regularly get my feet zoned.

“Footzonology is a method that utilizes the signal system in the feet. By utliizing the signals system in the feet it helps to rejuvenate, balance, restore and detoxify the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual body. Allowing and assisting your body to heal itself on its own.”

http://www.naturalfeetfootzonology.com

My wellness journey has been amazing and life-changing. My overall health is much stronger and I’m making changes that will last a life-time. Am I there yet? No. Am I getting there? Yes!

Both of my “wellness coaches” have filled me with information. Diet, food choices, supplements, essential oils, dry brushing, organic products. The list goes on and on and on. At times my head swims with all they share. How can I do it all? How can I afford it? How can I NOT afford it?

We’ve discussed wellness vs the American Health Care System. I have GP who loves to send me home with samples of medication to try. She works hard to find reasons to treat me. That is her lively-hood. After a year or so of my wellness journey, she was finding it more and more difficult to treat me for anything. After referring me for a blood work up, she told me that after the results were in I can come back in and she would get me going on a regime. I was showing markers for heart disease and she wanted to start me on a dose of medication to cure that. Well, after the results came back, all she could find was that my Vitamin B was low and she suggested a shot! Needless to say, I did not leave her office that day with a brown bag of samples and a stack of handouts with medical advice.

So, I’m back to being filled with too much information. At times it seems easier to just throw in the towel and go back to the way it used to be. Don’t think about what I’m putting into my mouth! Skip the daily routines that strengthen my health and well-being. Forget finding organic food sources. Processed is cheaper and easier. Coffee and pop are much more satisfying that water (so I used to think anyway!).

I’m slowly learning that I don’t have to do everything I hear about. I need to slow down and listen to my body. I’ve learned to do my own muscle testing to see if I really need a particular supplement on any given day. If there is not a need then I don’t take it. Amazingly enough, our body can get too much of even the good stuff.

I’ve learned the importance of emotional and spiritual health. If those are out of balance, then the physical health tips as well. In the past 3 years, I’ve gone from taking various medications for depression, anxiety and sleep issues to taking NOTHING! Zip! Zero! Medication free!

Another health and wellness journey I’ve been on is taking Redox Signaling molecules (ASEA) each day, thanks to another wellness coach in my life.

“Redox Signaling molecules are created within every cell of the body and are vital to the immune system and to cellular healing mechanisms. They are so essential to life that without them, you would die within seconds. A proper supple of Redox Signaling molecules enables cellular healing: damaged, dysfunctional cells fading away and healthy, vibrant cells taking over. They are vital for the health of our cells; that’s why our body makes its own supply. But after the age of 12, our cells make fewer and fewer of these molecules. The is the first and only source of balanced stabilized Redox signaling molecules outside of the body. It is completely native to the body. Proven to be completely safe, with zero toxicity.”

http://www.jennylynch.myasealive.com

While this journey is a newer part of my wellness trek, I have seen amazing results. No more medication to sleep. Overall energy level much greater. Mental clarity! I not only drink 4 oz each day, but I spray it on everything! Amazing healing qualities! I made it through this very rough winter flu season without getting sick! I’m seeing miraculous healing in friends that have been plagued with health issues their entire lives. Athletes are using it! It’s God-made, not man-made.

As I wander on this health and wellness journey, I’m again reminded that my amazing Father in heaven is right there with me. I’m not sure why it’s taken me so long to learn that He is in every corner of my life… including my health. I’ve compartmentalized Him into the spiritual things, not the “more worldly” parts. I’m discovering that my body does not really belong to me! It’s on loan while I’m alive. I’ve got to take care of it. It’s His temple that I’m temporarily living in. What I invest into my life directly effects my rental property!

I don’t know how may days I will walk on this earth. What I do know is that I want to be obedient to Him who created me. I don’t want to leave Him out of any part of my life… something I’ve done in the past. It’s quite simple really. When I feel like I have too much information and don’t know what to do, I can quietly sit before my Father and He will show me which path to walk along. This is a truth that I’ve known and used in other areas of my life, but never my wellness. Yes, I’m a slow learner! He’s blessed me with these amazing resources and I want to use them for His glory and my health! If God can grow flowers out of rocks, then He can certainly help me strengthen and heal my body, as well as use me to help others!

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There Will Be A Day…

April 9, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on Life1 Comment

One minute everything seems to be okay. Life seems quiet. No storms. Just when you think things are quieting down… taking a turn in the right direction. Then the phone rings late. I can hear a voice talking loudly on the other end. The curtain has once again come down.

I crawl into bed, hoping to just ignore it all and let sleep distract me. Nope. It didn’t happen. Restless and not wanting to keep him awake, I escape to the living room to walk and pray. Pray about what? I know nothing about what is going on. “Discipline issues.” That’s all he said to me.

Although the sun is shining and it’s vacation, life is still happening around me. Life has been happening around us for quite a while now and I’ve often wondered if other’s feel the same struggles we do? It’s like being on a roller coaster… up and down and up and down. Some times faster than others.

Eight years ago I found myself alone after 8 years of marriage. I was settling into this new life and then an old life emerged and changed everything. I fell in love again with a man I’d never really stopped loving. I’m in love with that man today. Our love changed my world, moving me back from whence I came.

Then reality set in. I’m in love with someone that is hurt and broken and struggling. We are a pair to draw from. I’m the same way. Just when I think I have it together…I’m reminded that I don’t!. MY demons rear their ugly heads.

It’s like when you throw a rock into a calm lake. The rock hits the water and then ripples out. No matter the size of the stone or the force of the throw, it still ripples out. Sometime the ripples seem to go out further and further, as if they will never stop.

Our lives have that same effect. For everythingthing we say or do, there are ripples of effect. Some good. Some sad. Some hard. Some amazing. Most of those ripples involve others. The stakeholders in our lives. My hurt and pain and choices, all in some way or another, effect those in my life. My mood and emotions engulf those around me. Is that fair?

There is an old saying, “you hurt those you love the most.” Is that fair? It sends the most confusing message. I love you, therefore I am going to hurt you. How many times have we been the recipient of this? The giver of this? Our world is made up of fallen beings. The sin in the garden set that one in motion. It’s part of who we are and what we do. Does that make it right? Are we forgiven? God forgives. Some people forgive. I forgive some people. I’m fallen. You are fallen. Together we are fallen.

My heart that was heavy an hour ago has lightened a bit. The sun is shining and I’m on vacation. I was also gently reminded that while other can cause grief and heartache for me, I do the same. It’s easy to get caught up in a “they hurt me” mentality,” losing sight of our place in this broken world.

When I think I’ve got my ducks all lined up… then WHAM! They all fly away loudly!

A song by Jeremy Camp called There Will Be a Day, popped into my head as I sit writing this morning.

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have

But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab

The many trials that seem to never end, His endless Word declares this truth

That we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings

That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears

No more pain, no more fears

There will be a day when the burdens of this place

Will be no more , we’ll see Jesus face to face

But until that day, we’ll hold on to You always

In the meantime, as we live in this fallen world with hurting people just like ourselves, we have a hope on the horizon. I’m holding tight to that today.

I’ve let myself get so caught up in the everyday mire that I temporarily lost sight of what I hold do dearly… my hope in Jesus. He’s got this one. He’s got all of the late night phone calls, the tears, the child-rearing heartaches, the relationship struggles, the past hurts and suffering… as well as the joys and celebrations. We will have all of this with those we love and yes, we will hurt those we love.

But there will be a day…

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God’s Got This One…

April 6, 2014April 6, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

I am a creature of habit. Everyday I take the same route to and from school. With several routes available, I stick to the same one.

I do not notice detail. I can pass by the same object or place day in and day out and not notice some obvious detail.

One late afternoon back in November while driving home from school on my all-too-familiar route, I was crying out to God with a burden laying heavy on my heart. I begged Him to show me that He was in this with me.

“God, I need to know you’ve got this one.”

As I turned off of Division onto Mission, there it was! High up in the sky were two crosses atop a church all lit up. It was as if I’d seen them for the first time ever. For a split second I thought they’d erected a new building. Then I realized that I was looking at the two crosses atop St. Aloysius Church on the GU campus. They were lit up for what I thought must have been just for the Christmas season. Come to find out, they are lit up year round.

At that moment, I was not only surprised with a sight that I’d never noticed or paid attention to, but also by the almost audible message…

“I’ve got this one.”

As suddenly as I had turned the corner, I felt His peace. A sign. A confirmation. High in the sky.

From that afternoon on, I don’t pass through that neighborhood without searching out my two crosses of hope.

Since then, I’ve been drawn to that campus to look at it more closely and take photographs. I’ve tried to get there at different times of the day in different light. I’m not one to do things alone, but this place draws me in.

One day as I walked around and took pictures, I stopped to notice the statue of Saint Aloysius Gonzaga that stands in front of the church.

Saint Aloysius Gonzaga was a Patron Saint of Youth. He died at the age of 23 assisting the sick during a plague. A short life well-lived.

My visits to this beautiful spot have drawn me into some reflection around my own life.

Moving too quickly through life causes blindness to things around that God wants to use to bless and speak to me. While my life has gone on longer than St. Al’s, am I able to say that it has been well-lived? While I’m not a patron saint of anything, can He still use me? If there were a statue erected for me after my passing, what would the placard at the base say about me and my life? Would people be drawn in to read and reflect, as I’ve done? Would my life have left an imprint that caused people to stop and think about what story they will be leaving?

This 23 year old boy left such a legacy in his few short years, that a Jesuit university was named after him.

I’m not looking for a university to memorialize me, but it draws me in to think about what I’m leaving behind. How am I making a difference in this life I’ve been given? Am I on auto-pilot and not even able to notice where I can be of service and make a difference?

I’m looking up and around more these days. Yesterday morning, as I returned home from an early appointment, I made a stop at St. Al’s with my camera and then took an unfamiliar road along the river home. A road I’d never been on. For it may be on those roads that I find more of my purpose in life as I continue to build my legacy.