Adulting

July 21, 2018 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

What a year it’s been with 5 months still to go! Some years have come and gone and been full of heartache and sadness… harder than others.

2018 has been a year full of change, excitement and wonder!! Busy. Full. Fast.

Both my husband and I turned 55. Double Nickel! Fifty Five! Who is 55? It always seemed that old people were 55. Well now we are and we are not old! Funny that perspective change as we age!

I have three bonus children. Our youngest graduated HS. When I moved here 12 years ago he was 6. Our oldest got married a few weeks ago. When I moved here she was about to turn 10. Our middle daughter is weeks away from having a baby boy. When I moved here she was 7.

As we have watched them grow up and journey through the many family challenges we’ve had, our conversations at times were about where they would land when they became adults. It always seemed so far off. Some days we wished them old and wise… away from the tumultuous teen years. Other times we wished them to stay young and innocent.

Today we sit in awe and wonder at the changes in the past 6 months. No more school events. We have a new son-in-law. Soon we will be grandparents… Papa B and Nana J! We are now eligible for a level of senior discounts! AARP baby!! It all feels a bit surreal.

So far on this journey, we have all made it! And it hasn’t been without joys and sorrows. Honestly, there were moments when I wasn’t sure we’d ever make it to this point. So here we are and I am full of excitement and deep emotion. We joke about all of the kids now officially “adulting.” I guess then we are “adult adulting!”

This time in life always seemed like a dream to me and so far off. Now it’s here and it’s grand! We love “adulting” with the kids! We do miss the days when they were younger, but this time of life is wonderful! As I’m having conversations with our momma-to-be about her life and the new life she is about to begin, I think back on all of the things I did that were good bonus parenting moments and all of the not-so-good bonus parenting moments. Thankfully, God’s mercies are new every day and His grace abounds!

We all grow and change. We’ve all said and done things we’ve regretted and things we remember fondly. This doesn’t feel like a new chapter but a whole new book! Volume 2 – “Adulting!”

I couldn’t have imagined what this would be like. I can’t even really describe it now. We are in the next phase of all of our lives and it is exciting and scary. Lives are changing and people are growing old.

(The growing old thing is another blog for another day.)

I’m sitting here in a new office space typing this and I’m looking at a wall decoration from a dear friend hanging directly in front of me… HOPE is what it says. I am hopeful and confident that the good things the Lord has started in our family will continue as He walks us all through the next phases of our lives. We can’t look back with regret and we can’t look forward with anxiousness.

We are…

Right here. Right now. Just as we are. Loving no matter what…even when it’s difficult. Challenging relationships at new levels. Leaving behind the things that were hard and being hopeful for the things to come.

Life is a gift and everyday we get to choose how we spend it. I am choosing to be full of HOPE and excitement for what is next for all of us.

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It All Started With Yogurt…

April 5, 2018 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

It all started with yogurt.

Frozen yogurt.

Peanut butter frozen yogurt.

In Palmdale.

Friends asked me to go to a quilt show in Palmdale. A quilt show? Are you kidding me? I don’t quilt. I don’t sew. I don’t even own a sewing machine! I’m the girl who had to do extra credit in junior high to keep from failing my sewing class. (Thank you Michael Todd!) That’s another story for another day!

Because I wanted to hang with my friends AND there was peanut butter frozen yogurt involved, I agreed to go.

As we strolled through the quilt show, I was drawn to a stack of fabric in deep, rich colors. They were all tied together with a nice bow. I was informed it was called a “fat pack.” Hmmmm, interesting name. Is it time for yogurt yet?

I was again drawn back to this “fat pack” of beautiful fabric. This little stack of fabric that changed my life forever! We started chatting with the ladies at the booth, who happened to be fromLoving Stitches quilt store in Santa Clarita where we lived. They suggested signing up for a baby quilt class and I could use this beautiful fabric! We all agreed this would be fun! So I bought the fabric and signed up for the class! As we were leaving the booth I happened to ask how I was going to sew, as I don’t own a machine. Oh, you bring your own machine! So it begins!

Upon returning home I informed my husband that I HAD to get a sewing machine because I bought this fabric and signed up for a class! Off to Sears we went and I became the owner of a very basic Kenmore. It sews forward and backwards!

Then off to quilt class we went! Little did I know, that when you quilt, you need tools. Pins, scissors, rotary cutter, cutting mat, rulers… the list goes on! If there is a tool, I just knew I had to have it!

Well, this sweet little blanket opened the door for a new hobby!

Now we have been sucked in to the vortex of beautiful fabric and stunning quilts!

The next adventure was a “Quilt As You Go By Hand” class. We thought this sounded fun! If only we knew what we didn’t know!

After signing up and paying the fee for the class, we then had to pick out fabric. Yards and yards and yards of fabric… of many different colors. I’m just going to say that I’m not the person you would hire to put together fat packs! We spent hours searching for the perfect fabrics. We had to pick out at least 5 different varieties. I ended up with fabrics in the shades of tan, purples and browns. None of which were any colors in my home or that was ever drawn to. I have a distant memory of the fabric alone coming to $200… and that did not include ALL of the MANY tools and things needed for this class. Thank goodness I already had a sewing machine and a rotary cutter! Oh wait… you couldn’t use either of those! It’s a quilt by hand class. I’m surprised we could use scissors! (Insert sarcasm!)

Well, this class turned out to be far more than I should have ever taken on. Time and money alone, not to mention skill and patience and desire to have a giant purple quilt made all by hand! The teacher was very strict about the rules. I’m surprised they didn’t turn off the power and make us work by candle light! (Insert more sarcasm!)

Today, I rescued a very large box out of the closet. It was full of fabric that I had stuffed in it 12 years ago when I moved back to Washington from California. It was full of projects started and never finished as well as fabric from all of the quilts I made in the years following the infamous class! My “go to” was blocks sewn together and tied in the corners, not quilted.

We went through a phase of Block of the Month projects. Today I found one of them almost completed and two more all in the baggies I paid for each month! I cringed every time I saw the little price tag on the baggies. Quilting is not cheap!

I realized several things about myself today. First, I have a huge issue with finishing projects. Unless I have a specific goal, like making a gift for someone, I tend to get distracted and move on. Secondly, I am that person that has to have all of the latest and greatest when pursuing a hobby. If it can be helpful then I need to have it. I discovered this today as I unpacked all of the “stuff” that goes along with the fabrics to make quilts! Lastly, I realized that when I left CA, I tucked away a hobby that I really loved. I’ve made a few quilts over the past 12 years, but nothing like I was doing back in the day. Today I unearthed some beautiful blocks and I was shocked that I had actually made them with my own hands. Some literally by hand and others with the aid of my rotary cutter and sewing machine! I actually did some good old fashioned hand quilting as well!

It was fun to pull this out today and relive some sweet memories. It was also very emotional. This period of my life was very different living and teaching in CA. The ladies I quilted with were also the ones I knitted with, read books with , scrap booked with and traveled with. These were good years and good friends!

I brought it all with me to WA, but it was not the same. Along with the actual act of quilting, were the friendships that grew as we spent time together. Friendships deepened by a common thread (pun intended!). Cherished memories that I will hold dear for the rest of my life. Each block and each quilt has a story. I’m glad I found them again.

And to think… it all started with yogurt.

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The Battle Belongs to Him…

February 5, 2017 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

Life feels hard right now. Nationwide, people are angry. People are afraid. People are confused. The next four years feel very unsettled. Social media has exploded with all of these feelings and emotions pouring out everyday. I’ve tried hard not to let myself get too caught up in emotion.

Then there is the next layer of heartache.

For some life is hard right now because of very personal battles they are fighting. Their own battles or battles of loved ones. Some are being fought and some battles have been lost. Some are in limbo… waiting. Illness, relationships, death.

These past few weeks I’ve found myself standing in the gap on behalf of many… most I know and a handful I don’t know but have committed to pray for them. I asked God to break my heart for the things that break His. He came through. Daily I’m on my knees interceding for friends and loved ones and strangers… calling on Jesus to bring each one of these precious people just what they need at just the right moment. Peace. Comfort. Healing. Strength. Closure. Grace. Hope. Tears. Laughter. Memories.

At times I’ve felt so helpless, wishing I could do more. Wishing I could be there to give them a hug or sit and listen. I’ve prayed for them to be able to praise the heavens amidst the storm. I’ve prayed for their memories of their loved one to be sweet and comforting. I’ve prayed for healing. I’ve prayed for the stakeholders in the lives of the suffering, for those people also feel the affects of the heartache. Many times all I can do is pray for God’s will in the situation.

As I’ve been interceding on behalf of others, I’ve been reminded of the battles I’ve fought over the years. Difficult battles. Life-changing battles. Lost battles. Battles of loss.

A few of those battles felt as if I’d never recover. Life would never be the same. I would never have joy again. For when I am in the middle of a battle it is easy to lose sight of the other side. I forget that it is being fought by the greatest Warrior of all.

The battle is already won. Is it the outcome I want? Perhaps not. But the God of Hope will be our warrior and bring us the peace and comfort needed to sustain us as we venture on this earthly journey. The older I get and the more battles I see, the more excited I get for eternity. For this life is temporary and heaven is eternal. One day none of this will matter.

But in the meantime… we need to hold on to the hope of Christ. No matter if our struggles and fears are for the state of our nation or closer to home… there is hope and the battle belongs to the Lord.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

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2016… What a Year!

December 31, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

2016… oh what a year! It’s one that will go down in history for so many reasons. I’ve managed to NOT let the stress of things of the world get me down. I’ve felt sad about the losses of well-known people who have passed away… people I’ve grown up with. I’ve managed to keep my emotions out of the presidential election. All I can do is pray for the days to come. I have no control of the worldly events of the past year.

All I can really control is the events of my life… and even those are not always controllable. I can think about the past year but can’t change a thing that has already happened. The story is written and published. All I can do it reflect on the words on each page, take what I can that will propel me positively into the new year and then close the book, placing it carefully on the shelf with the other 53 books.

2016 was a year. A year of hard work, new relationships, loss, struggle, new memories, career challenges, laughter, tears, loving, choosing to love, growth, new beginnings, dreams lost and dreams being realized…

There are some definite things I can take away from 2016. While I’d like to take away only the positive, I realize that it’s some of the tough things that will change me and motivate me in the coming year.

Here are my take-aways from 2016:

I have infinite worth! Enough said!

I am the only one that can determine how my day will unfold. It’s not the responsibility of my husband, friends or co-workers… it’s mine. I choose my attitude towards the day.

If I don’t include God in my day things tend to go south. Unfortunately I’ve allowed this to happen one too many times.

Everyday is a gift – wrapped with a beautiful bow. I get to choose how I open it and what I do with it. Some gifts can be large and fancy, while others might be little and seemingly unimportant. It’s up to me to look at each gift and cherish what it brings… not wishing and hoping for more or different. Gifts are all around us and sometimes we miss them. It’s the tiniest things that can bring the greatest joy!

Just when you think you’ve loved something so much and losing it will leave you empty forever… think again! Be bold and risk loving again!

Two kittens are better than one! Just saying!

As we move into 2017, my prayer for everyone is that we will all believe in our infinite worth and value. I pray our lives will reflect that. For me that means taking better care of myself… believing that I’m worth investing in. Even when that investment is difficult but necessary. I pray we all have others in our lives to share the journey. I pray that we can all do the two simple things that God asks of us… love God and love people. This feels more important than ever with the coming months and changes in our nation.

May 2017 bring abundant love, grace and passion in each of our lives. I leave you with this prayer.

“And now may the courage of early morning’s dawning,

And the strength of eternal hills at noontime,

And the peace of open spaces at evening’s ending,

And the love of God abide in your hearts now and forever.” Amen.

– Harry K. Zeller, from the BRETHREN HYMNAL

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Just Another Day…

August 2, 2016August 3, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

August 2, 1997. It was just another day for most. It was a big day for me. Happiest day of my life… or so they say. For 7 years it was a day that was celebrated. Today, 19 years later, it’s just another day. One day closer to summer being over and getting back to work.

Today I find myself filled with emotion. I’m sure it’s not all about that day 19 years ago, but that is a part of it. The part of me that came and went in 7 short years. That is not what I envisioned on that sunny day in San Luis Obispo. It was a whirlwind relationship that happened fast. He was taken by my “worship girl” lifestyle and I with his wild side and in love with being in love. Some of his first words to me were, “you are perfect the way you are.” That should have been a red flag, but it only fueled my desire to be loved and love.

Over the last 19 years I’ve loved and lost. I’ve laughed and cried. I’ve had my heart filled and emptied. I’ve had dreams come true and dreams shattered. I’ve come and gone. I’ve hurt and and been hurt. I’ve loved and been loved… and reloved.

Life gets so busy that sometimes I forget to stop and remember. I am a “date remembering” girl, but this far out, today would have been just another day had I not heard the date on the morning news.

August 2…

Emotions came flooding back. I think that I now have a storehouse of memories that the Lord wants me to keep in a special place. They no longer contain anger or hurt or regret. They are sweet and part of who I am today. Had I not journeyed on that short path with the amazing man that “fell in love with me” I might not be sitting where I am today… living the life I have now. It’s funny how one life decision can determine the days to come.

I have some wonderful take aways from that seven year union 19 years ago. My first kiss… and so on and so forth!! (insert blush) A beautiful bonus daughter who is now a mother of a sweet little guy. Family that will always hold a special place in my heart. Seven years of adventures with my “Marlboro Man!”

It’s not what I thought would happen. But it did. Things ended and ten years ago I decided to move away from the memories and at the time, the pain. Of course I was swayed by a tall handsome Irish boy from my past.

Several major life changes later and here I sit. I left a wonderful state I had lived in for 20 years and came home. Quit a really good job… got a new one… thankfully another really good one! Sold a home, bought a home, sold a home and bought another one! Rekindled old friendships and started new ones. Left love behind and had the great blessing of getting to relove and marry my first. I said goodbye to a wonderful bonus daughter and now have three more amazing bonus children. Life is good.

Yes, one simple date on the calendar and oh how the memories and emotions appear. Bittersweet. I am confidently thankful that my Father in Heaven has my journey all mapped out. On that sweet day 19 years ago, I never in a million years would have thought for a second my life would be what it is now. As wonderful as it is, it would not have made sense then. I’m so glad that we don’t get to see our future. Just one day at a time… living well and loving God and loving people.

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Seasons…Part of Living

July 26, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

today, tomorrow & every day – THOUGHTS ON LIVING A BRAVE AND REAL AND GORGEOUS LIFE. Written by M.H. Clark and illustrated by Jill Labieniec.

Here are my continued thoughts on this amazing book I received as a gift.

“Things really changed,” she said, “when I started to be more generous to myself.”

“I began to try to live like a tree,” she said…

“Who understand that life is filled with seasons and each one has its worth. I stopped fearing the leaves falling away, the bare branches. I understood that spring would come, that summer would come, that it was all a part of my living.”

Seasons. I love the four seasons where I live! When the seasons change, so does life around us. We do things differently. Some seasons are more enjoyable than others. For me, winter is my least favorite. The sun does not shine as much and it’s cold. It takes more work to be outside. Occasionally I’m fearful of driving in winter weather. The lack of sunshine can cause some seasonal affective issues. We muddle through it and wait for spring.

Seasons of life are much the same. We experience things that change as time goes on.

Some seasons are wonderful! When relationships are thriving…life is good. When our job is going well… .life is good. When our health is strong… life is good.

At times we go through seasons that are not so wonderful. Troubled relationships… job stress or unemployment… health issues.

When in a season of struggle, I used to pray for it to be over or not happen at all. Over time I’ve learned to lean into the struggle and ride the wave…waiting for the Lord to show His presence. He never told us life would be easy, but He did tell us that He would be alongside us or holding us tight. It took some really difficult seasons for me to learn this. I’ve learned to praise Him in the storm.

Be still and know that I am God… my favorite Psalm. It’s being still in winter and finding the joy of the season I like the least. When things are tough, I’ve experienced great peace while life is crumbling around me. Pressing in to the Lord helps get us through the difficult time and ushers us into the next season.

I’ll be honest. I’ve never had a difficult season that has lasted for great lengths of time. I’ve known people that permanently live in struggle… at least in my perception. They’ve learned to stop fearing the struggle and find the joys. In a sense, they move in and out of joy and struggles in one day.

Seasons come and seasons go… that is all part of our lives. I want to be like that tree that stands tall and still as the seasons move around me. I want to be strong, even when I feel weak. I want to be full of life, even when I might be empty. I want to be more generous with myself… even when it’s difficult.

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Resiliency and Growth Over Time…

July 15, 2016July 15, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on Life1 Comment

today, tomorrow & every day – THOUGHTS ON LIVING A BRAVE AND REAL AND GORGEOUS LIFE. Written by M.H. Clark and illustrated by Jill Labieniec.

Here are my continued thoughts on this amazing book I received as a gift.

She hadn’t always been this way. She hadn’t always been as strong and resilient and brave and joyful.

Like any garden or work of art, it had taken her a long time to make things the way there were. To learn. To arrange. To rearrange.

Sometimes, she grew as such in one year as others do in five. It showed in her spirit. In her laugh. It looked and it sounded like wisdom. And she liked it that way.

53 years. I’ve come along way. The change really started noticeably happening when I turned 50. But seeds were planted long before that. Life events that required me to be strong and resilient and brave… and joyful…regardless.

At times I stayed the same for many years. Other times I grew more quickly. I can look back now and see those moments in time.

Moving away from everyone and everything I knew and loved, to teach in California at the ripe old age of 23!
Moving back home to WA to pursue a job near family and not having success… back to CA I went!
Living alone in a strange house during a large earthquake.
Getting married at the age of 34… step-parenting with an ex that hated me!
Moving to a new city in CA and getting a new job… starting over.
Caring for my step daughter as she recovered from a horrific accident and a traumatic brain injury. (This one made me brave and strong and resilient and selfless)
Divorce… everything I ever believed about myself was challenged and questioned.
Sold my condo and moved back to WA.
New job… again.
Bought a house on my own.
Married the love of my life… step parent to three young children.
Lost both parents and one of my sisters.
Turned 50 and said, “The hell with it! I’m done trying to please everyone!”

Now I continue on this journey to live a brave and real and gorgeous life! I’ve got a lot of scars and old wounds to heal, as well as many wonderful memories to hold on to! I’ve listened to many people who have shared wisdom and counsel with me. I’ve shared my experiences with many… passing along the same. I’ve also talked less and listened more. I was recently told by someone very special to me that talking to me brought her peace. That must be what wisdom looks and sounds like. Jesus in skin.

How have you changed over time? What has happened your life to make you strong and resilient?

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today, tomorrow & every day…

July 14, 2016July 14, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

I recently received a very beautiful book from a friend.

today, tomorrow & every day THOUGHTS ON LIVING A BRAVE AND REAL AND GORGEOUS LIFE. Written by M.H. Clark and illustrated by Jill Labieniec.

Aside from the powerful content of the writing, the book itself is beautiful, filled with illustrations and photographs. It is put together in the most amazing way visually. I read the words on the pages and was brought to tears. This book is speaking to the very place I am in my life and the direction I am heading.

I decided to share it with you… a little bit at a time accompanied by my personal reflections. You will get to experience the words, but will have to envision the pictures as your heart and mind see them.

It starts like this…

One day she stepped back and took a look at her life. A long, close look. As though it were a city she loved and she was flying high above it, so high that she could see the whole thing.

And she realized something: She liked what she saw. She liked where she had been. She liked where she was going.

When I read these first two pages, I paused and didn’t really want to turn the page. These words were rich and powerful. I closed my eyes and imagined looking at my life. I was overwhelmed. My mind went to more negative thoughts at first, but I was able to change my perspective. I “flew higher” and looked at the whole big picture. I was not completely sold on “liking” what I saw… thus the negative perspective. I realized that I have some work to do! I want to like what I see. I want to like where I’ve been. And I really want to like where I’m going.

And so the journey began! I didn’t realize until I opened the pages of this book that I am right here on this journey… at age 53, longing to live a brave and real and gorgeous life… today, tomorrow and every day. I don’t want to wish away days until something better comes along or changes. I want to be real and courageous today! I want to live out this life well.

As I unravel years and look closely at my life, I hope by the end I WILL like what I see, where I’ve been and where I’m going. This journey won’t be possible without Jesus, my family and amazing friends. I have all of those and I’m blessed.

Come along on this journey with me and begin today by stepping back and taking a look at your life. What do you see? Do you like it?

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Grief Revisited…

June 24, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

It takes only a song, a smell, a memory shared on FB, a sound, a picture, a date on the calendar… and the grief comes flooding back. Fresh as the day it began.

Today was just that… a date on the calendar. Four months to the day. A time on the clock. It happened right now. The emotions and sadness and heaviness surfaced back up to the top of the heap. I’ve worked so hard to let them go… to quell the sadness… to replace the sorrow with sweet memories that make me smile instead of cry. Her reminders around the house have brought me peace and comfort… until today.

Grief doesn’t happen in a straight line.

Those were the best words ever shared with me by a counselor I sat with for a year after my divorce. And how true they were. I’ve shared them with many friends over the past ten years as they’ve walked through the various stages of grief.

Today I was caught off guard and had to practice what I’ve been preaching!

Four months ago the tears were daily… many times a day. That tapered down to once a day and then several times a week. Eventually the tears have subsided; replaced by a smile and a little whisper that I miss her.

This afternoon felt raw and fresh. Tears. That lost feeling deep in my soul. How has it been four months? It feels like it just happened.

Tonight I’m upstairs preparing a space for a new little kitten (or two!) to join our household. It scares me to turn them loose in our huge old house so I’m creating a space that is smaller and more contained. Eventually they can graduate to the big house!

As I’m sitting here in my rocking chair that Abigail and I spent many hours sharing, I’m having a moment. I feel like the widow that visits her late husbands grave asking him to release her to move on and love again. It sounds crazy, but it’s real. I am, in a sense, asking Abigail to release me to love another kitten or two. Up until now it’s felt like betrayal. How can I love another cat like I’ve loved Abigail for 16 years?

Tonight’s grief revisited has been a blessing. It purged another layer of grief and nudged me to begin to prepare for new life in our home. Once I have the space prepared and the essentials purchased and staged, I will begin the search. I know God will put the right little eyes and ears in my path at just the right moment. Our hearts will connect and a new story will begin.

Abigail’s story will not be forgotten. There will never be another Bubba Girl, but there will be new memories to make and a new one to love and grow with. It’s time. This grief revisited has opened a new door of possibilities and adventures.

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Entering the Throne Room…

April 16, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on Life2 Comments

“In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.” -Psalm 5:3

It’s so easy… yet so hard. I’m up early before leaving for work. I can’t just get up and go. I need time to prepare for the day. I need coffee and quiet time. I’ve got all of the tools necessary. Quiet and comfortable location (several options), coffee, journal and favorite pen, bible (several) and time.

GO!

Good morning, Lord…

Suddenly a million distractions come my way.

Oh wait! I need to find a good worship song (on my iPad!).

Now that scripture would be great to put on a photograph… and then I can put it on Instagram!

Hmmm, I wonder if anyone has commented on the one I put on yesterday? I’ll just check real quick…

Oh ya, my bible plan… back to business.

Lord, thank you for this new day. Please give me strength to get through this day and…

Wait! What time is it? Shoot, I need to be in the shower in 5 minutes!

I wonder if anyone commented on the photo album I put on FB last night? I’ll just do a quick check before jumping in the shower!

And that it how it plays out more mornings than I care to admit. To quote a great movie, “Squirrel!”

Some mornings are much better and my time is spent indulging in the sacredness of my Heavenly Papa.

While I’m confessing my innate ability to botch my morning quiet time with Jesus, some mornings don’t have any quiet time at all, although that is rare. I’ve tried to exercise first thing and that has been a disaster! I’ll save that for later in the day… if I get to it! Oh my, that is another blog for another day!

The other evening I was reading Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning. In the summer of 1992 he spent time alone in a cabin in the Colorado Rockies without TV, radio or any reading material. After reading about his experience I began to ponder what that would be like. Time alone with God with nothing else. No distractions but our own demons that keep us from that sweet time with the Lord. How long would it take before I could truly “be still and know”? (Psalm 46:10)

I wonder what I’m missing by letting the things of the world get in my way? What sacred indulgence does God have for me that I’ve missed because I’m too busy getting my sanctuary ready to be with Him?

What am I afraid of? Why is it difficult to go to the throne room without my coffee and journal and bible (AKA my iPad full of distractions)…?

Lord, Show me how to simply come before You and be in Your presence… uninterrupted so that I may partake of Your sacred indulgences awaiting me. In Jesus’ name… let it be done, let it be so…