Adulting

July 21, 2018 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

What a year it’s been with 5 months still to go! Some years have come and gone and been full of heartache and sadness… harder than others.

2018 has been a year full of change, excitement and wonder!! Busy. Full. Fast.

Both my husband and I turned 55. Double Nickel! Fifty Five! Who is 55? It always seemed that old people were 55. Well now we are and we are not old! Funny that perspective change as we age!

I have three bonus children. Our youngest graduated HS. When I moved here 12 years ago he was 6. Our oldest got married a few weeks ago. When I moved here she was about to turn 10. Our middle daughter is weeks away from having a baby boy. When I moved here she was 7.

As we have watched them grow up and journey through the many family challenges we’ve had, our conversations at times were about where they would land when they became adults. It always seemed so far off. Some days we wished them old and wise… away from the tumultuous teen years. Other times we wished them to stay young and innocent.

Today we sit in awe and wonder at the changes in the past 6 months. No more school events. We have a new son-in-law. Soon we will be grandparents… Papa B and Nana J! We are now eligible for a level of senior discounts! AARP baby!! It all feels a bit surreal.

So far on this journey, we have all made it! And it hasn’t been without joys and sorrows. Honestly, there were moments when I wasn’t sure we’d ever make it to this point. So here we are and I am full of excitement and deep emotion. We joke about all of the kids now officially “adulting.” I guess then we are “adult adulting!”

This time in life always seemed like a dream to me and so far off. Now it’s here and it’s grand! We love “adulting” with the kids! We do miss the days when they were younger, but this time of life is wonderful! As I’m having conversations with our momma-to-be about her life and the new life she is about to begin, I think back on all of the things I did that were good bonus parenting moments and all of the not-so-good bonus parenting moments. Thankfully, God’s mercies are new every day and His grace abounds!

We all grow and change. We’ve all said and done things we’ve regretted and things we remember fondly. This doesn’t feel like a new chapter but a whole new book! Volume 2 – “Adulting!”

I couldn’t have imagined what this would be like. I can’t even really describe it now. We are in the next phase of all of our lives and it is exciting and scary. Lives are changing and people are growing old.

(The growing old thing is another blog for another day.)

I’m sitting here in a new office space typing this and I’m looking at a wall decoration from a dear friend hanging directly in front of me… HOPE is what it says. I am hopeful and confident that the good things the Lord has started in our family will continue as He walks us all through the next phases of our lives. We can’t look back with regret and we can’t look forward with anxiousness.

We are…

Right here. Right now. Just as we are. Loving no matter what…even when it’s difficult. Challenging relationships at new levels. Leaving behind the things that were hard and being hopeful for the things to come.

Life is a gift and everyday we get to choose how we spend it. I am choosing to be full of HOPE and excitement for what is next for all of us.

Circle of Friends · Circle of Life · Lessons Learned · life happens... · My Journey · Quiet Pleasures · Quilting · Uncategorized

It All Started With Yogurt…

April 5, 2018 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

It all started with yogurt.

Frozen yogurt.

Peanut butter frozen yogurt.

In Palmdale.

Friends asked me to go to a quilt show in Palmdale. A quilt show? Are you kidding me? I don’t quilt. I don’t sew. I don’t even own a sewing machine! I’m the girl who had to do extra credit in junior high to keep from failing my sewing class. (Thank you Michael Todd!) That’s another story for another day!

Because I wanted to hang with my friends AND there was peanut butter frozen yogurt involved, I agreed to go.

As we strolled through the quilt show, I was drawn to a stack of fabric in deep, rich colors. They were all tied together with a nice bow. I was informed it was called a “fat pack.” Hmmmm, interesting name. Is it time for yogurt yet?

I was again drawn back to this “fat pack” of beautiful fabric. This little stack of fabric that changed my life forever! We started chatting with the ladies at the booth, who happened to be fromLoving Stitches quilt store in Santa Clarita where we lived. They suggested signing up for a baby quilt class and I could use this beautiful fabric! We all agreed this would be fun! So I bought the fabric and signed up for the class! As we were leaving the booth I happened to ask how I was going to sew, as I don’t own a machine. Oh, you bring your own machine! So it begins!

Upon returning home I informed my husband that I HAD to get a sewing machine because I bought this fabric and signed up for a class! Off to Sears we went and I became the owner of a very basic Kenmore. It sews forward and backwards!

Then off to quilt class we went! Little did I know, that when you quilt, you need tools. Pins, scissors, rotary cutter, cutting mat, rulers… the list goes on! If there is a tool, I just knew I had to have it!

Well, this sweet little blanket opened the door for a new hobby!

Now we have been sucked in to the vortex of beautiful fabric and stunning quilts!

The next adventure was a “Quilt As You Go By Hand” class. We thought this sounded fun! If only we knew what we didn’t know!

After signing up and paying the fee for the class, we then had to pick out fabric. Yards and yards and yards of fabric… of many different colors. I’m just going to say that I’m not the person you would hire to put together fat packs! We spent hours searching for the perfect fabrics. We had to pick out at least 5 different varieties. I ended up with fabrics in the shades of tan, purples and browns. None of which were any colors in my home or that was ever drawn to. I have a distant memory of the fabric alone coming to $200… and that did not include ALL of the MANY tools and things needed for this class. Thank goodness I already had a sewing machine and a rotary cutter! Oh wait… you couldn’t use either of those! It’s a quilt by hand class. I’m surprised we could use scissors! (Insert sarcasm!)

Well, this class turned out to be far more than I should have ever taken on. Time and money alone, not to mention skill and patience and desire to have a giant purple quilt made all by hand! The teacher was very strict about the rules. I’m surprised they didn’t turn off the power and make us work by candle light! (Insert more sarcasm!)

Today, I rescued a very large box out of the closet. It was full of fabric that I had stuffed in it 12 years ago when I moved back to Washington from California. It was full of projects started and never finished as well as fabric from all of the quilts I made in the years following the infamous class! My “go to” was blocks sewn together and tied in the corners, not quilted.

We went through a phase of Block of the Month projects. Today I found one of them almost completed and two more all in the baggies I paid for each month! I cringed every time I saw the little price tag on the baggies. Quilting is not cheap!

I realized several things about myself today. First, I have a huge issue with finishing projects. Unless I have a specific goal, like making a gift for someone, I tend to get distracted and move on. Secondly, I am that person that has to have all of the latest and greatest when pursuing a hobby. If it can be helpful then I need to have it. I discovered this today as I unpacked all of the “stuff” that goes along with the fabrics to make quilts! Lastly, I realized that when I left CA, I tucked away a hobby that I really loved. I’ve made a few quilts over the past 12 years, but nothing like I was doing back in the day. Today I unearthed some beautiful blocks and I was shocked that I had actually made them with my own hands. Some literally by hand and others with the aid of my rotary cutter and sewing machine! I actually did some good old fashioned hand quilting as well!

It was fun to pull this out today and relive some sweet memories. It was also very emotional. This period of my life was very different living and teaching in CA. The ladies I quilted with were also the ones I knitted with, read books with , scrap booked with and traveled with. These were good years and good friends!

I brought it all with me to WA, but it was not the same. Along with the actual act of quilting, were the friendships that grew as we spent time together. Friendships deepened by a common thread (pun intended!). Cherished memories that I will hold dear for the rest of my life. Each block and each quilt has a story. I’m glad I found them again.

And to think… it all started with yogurt.

Expectations · Experiences · Grace · Hope · Intentional Self · love · My Journey · Prayer · Seasons · Struggles · The Journey · The New Year · Uncategorized

2018… A New Year

December 31, 2017 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

Last day of 2017.

I’d be lying if I said I’m sad to see this year end and a new year begin.

I know it’s just a day on a calendar but there is something about anticipating a fresh start… a do-over of sorts.

I don’t want to dwell on 2017… in less than 16 hours it’s over! Bye bye!

This morning I’m up early reflecting on the past year… things that happened and did not happen. I made health and fitness “resolutions” last year and… well, here is sit older and in worse physical shape than I’ve ever been. Hmmmm….

I made a resolution to”be closer to God” yet I spent most of the year staying away from church and keeping God at a stones throw. Thankfully that has been restored… and rekindled.

So, in 2018, I’m resolving to not make resolutions… you know that list you make. The list that is full of things that are all about being a better person… usually on the outside. I’ve got journals full of them! If I lined them up they would probably all look the same!

2018… it’s weird to say and hard to believe. 18 years into the 21st century. 55 years after the year I was born. What does it bring?

2018 promises this…

365 days

52.18 weeks

8,765.82 hours

535,949.2 minutes

31,556952 seconds

What we do with that time is up to us. What will we fill our days, weeks, hours, minutes and seconds with?

Here’s what I hope to fill my time with…

Love more… judge less

Listen more… talk less

Pray more… grumble less

Move more… eat less

Sleep more… worry less

Serve more…sit less

Play more… strive less

Connect more… hide less

Encourage more… complain less

Live more… enjoy the moment…

Love who I am and where I am right now.

I’ll leave you with a few words to encourage as we embark on 2018. It’s like getting a brand new journal – never been written in! Ready for a new story!

“So, let’s take heart, keep on, fight the good fight, pray continuously, and do not grow weary. There is nothing better than giving up everything and stepping into a passionate love relationship with God, the God of the universe who made galaxies, leaves, laughter, and me and you.” -Francis Chan

And now may the courage of early morning’s dawning,
And the strength of eternal hills at noontime,
And the peace of open spaces at evening’s ending,
And the love of God abide in your hearts now and forever.” Amen.
– Harry K. Zeller, from the BRETHREN HYMNAL

Advent · Gifts · Grace · Hope · love · My Journey · Quiet Pleasures · Random Saturday · Seasons · The Journey · Uncategorized

The Anticipation of Advent…

December 2, 2017 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

…For a second you catch a whiff in the air of some fragrance that reminds you of a place you’ve never been and a time you have no words for. You are aware of the beating of your heart. The extraordinary thing that is about to happen is matched only by the extraordinary moment just before it happens. Advent is the name of that moment. (Frederick Buechner)

As I child, I couldn’t wait for the toy catalog to come in the mail! It was big and the pages were shiny and filled with toys! We would sit for hours pouring over the pages and marking things we wanted. If there would have been brightly colored sticky notes back in the day it would have looked like a flower with all of the colorful petals sticking out of the sides!

Oh how we dreamed of the coming days of fun…more fun than we could ever imagine. If only we could have all of the things we dreamed of. This went on for weeks and we would leave the catalog out in obvious places for mom and dad to see. We mentioned them in conversations around the dinner table, in our Santa letters and to Santa himself when we sat on his lap. The anticipation of Christmas morning and getting something from those magical pages… there was nothing else like it!

This year, the beginning of Advent reminds me of this. I’m beginning 25 days of reading through my favorite book by Ann Voskamp called The Greatest Gift – Unwrapping the Full Love Story of Christmas. This will be my 5th Advent reading through it and I have more anticipation and excitement than ever before. I’ve let the negativity of the world and all that is happening right now get me down. I’ve let social media wear down my soul as I’ve spent countless hours reading and seeing all that others have that I don’t and all of the negative things that are making people feel anxious and angry. I’ve spent hours and hours looking out and not allowing God in.

So, today I’m giving myself a gift. The gift of Advent. Do you need to give yourself this gift as well?

So now we pause. Still. Ponder. Hush. Wait. Each day of Advent, He gives you the gift of time, so you have the time to be still and wait.

(A. Voskamp, The Greatest Gift)

Battles · Death · Experiences · Grace · Healing · Hope · life happens... · Loss · love · My Journey · Prayer · Seasons · Standing in the Gap · Struggles · The Journey · Uncategorized

The Battle Belongs to Him…

February 5, 2017 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

Life feels hard right now. Nationwide, people are angry. People are afraid. People are confused. The next four years feel very unsettled. Social media has exploded with all of these feelings and emotions pouring out everyday. I’ve tried hard not to let myself get too caught up in emotion.

Then there is the next layer of heartache.

For some life is hard right now because of very personal battles they are fighting. Their own battles or battles of loved ones. Some are being fought and some battles have been lost. Some are in limbo… waiting. Illness, relationships, death.

These past few weeks I’ve found myself standing in the gap on behalf of many… most I know and a handful I don’t know but have committed to pray for them. I asked God to break my heart for the things that break His. He came through. Daily I’m on my knees interceding for friends and loved ones and strangers… calling on Jesus to bring each one of these precious people just what they need at just the right moment. Peace. Comfort. Healing. Strength. Closure. Grace. Hope. Tears. Laughter. Memories.

At times I’ve felt so helpless, wishing I could do more. Wishing I could be there to give them a hug or sit and listen. I’ve prayed for them to be able to praise the heavens amidst the storm. I’ve prayed for their memories of their loved one to be sweet and comforting. I’ve prayed for healing. I’ve prayed for the stakeholders in the lives of the suffering, for those people also feel the affects of the heartache. Many times all I can do is pray for God’s will in the situation.

As I’ve been interceding on behalf of others, I’ve been reminded of the battles I’ve fought over the years. Difficult battles. Life-changing battles. Lost battles. Battles of loss.

A few of those battles felt as if I’d never recover. Life would never be the same. I would never have joy again. For when I am in the middle of a battle it is easy to lose sight of the other side. I forget that it is being fought by the greatest Warrior of all.

The battle is already won. Is it the outcome I want? Perhaps not. But the God of Hope will be our warrior and bring us the peace and comfort needed to sustain us as we venture on this earthly journey. The older I get and the more battles I see, the more excited I get for eternity. For this life is temporary and heaven is eternal. One day none of this will matter.

But in the meantime… we need to hold on to the hope of Christ. No matter if our struggles and fears are for the state of our nation or closer to home… there is hope and the battle belongs to the Lord.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

food · Grace · Growth · Healing · Health · Hope · Intentional Self · My Journey · Prayer · The Journey · Uncategorized · wellness

The Journey Continues…

January 2, 2017 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

With 2017 comes a renewed sense of hope and a journey to better health. For several years now I’ve been doing more wellness things and have seen a great change in myself and my life. As I begin the new year I realize that the journey has really just begun. I didn’t get unhealthy overnight and I won’t get healthy overnight. So, as my journey begins (or continues), I’m more hopeful than ever that it will bring lasting changes so I can live out the next 30-40+ years of my life healthy and whole!

I love food. I love to eat. I eat when I’m happy, sad, angry, frustrated, anxious… the list goes on! Last year I read through a book that was very powerful and helped me begin to look at food differently. The book is called Thin Within – A Grace-Oriented Approach to Lasting Weight Loss by Judy and Arthur Halliday. It is a grace-based approach to food and weight management. It does not involve diets or pills or quick fixes. It’s meant to change me from the inside out. Over the years I’ve lost weight and then found it again! Obviously I did not get to the root of the issue as to why I eat. I have often prayed and asked God for help. This is a book full of tools and God’s Word to help me on my journey.

I mentioned above that I’ve already read this book. Yep, it was great and I was looking at things differently… until one day. I can’t even pinpoint that moment in time when I threw it all out the window. I think it happened gradually over time. So, as the new year begins, I’m committing to walk this journey again and would like to share it along the way with you! Perhaps you have food issues… or maybe you don’t. It’s still solid biblical ideas that help us to put food in it’s correct place.

As I read Chapter 1 this morning, here are the nuggets of truth that I came away with that are very encouraging to me at the start of my journey…

You will find yourself drawn closer to God, the lover of your soul and the designer of your body, the one who purchased your liberty. He longs for you to see His handiwork displayed in a most miraculous masterpiece – YOU.

(Wow! I’m His most miraculous masterpiece… and so are you!)

God is crazy about us! God loves us exactly the way we are!

God is able and willing to lead us to freedom from food and to the abundant life!

I want to “release” weight… not lose it. When you lose something you are always hoping to get it back! (I don’t want it back!)

I am ready for my heart to be set free!

There are some simple keys to conscious eating which include only eating when my body (not my heart) is truly hungry and stopping when I am satisfied… not full but satisfied. That is NOT the way I was raised and have lived most of my 53 years! Next is to eat in a calm environment and reduce distractions… like social media and TV. Eat when sitting down! Eat when my body and mind are relaxed… invite the Lord into the meal. Eat and drink things I enjoy… no guilt while listening to what my body craves. Pay attention to what I’m eating… eat slowly, actually enjoying the taste of the food I’m eating, and STOP before my body is FULL.

Sadly, these are counterintuitive to the way I was raised. We ate three times a day (and many snacks in between) whether we needed it our not. We ate at specific times each day. We ate everything on our plate because there were starving children in Ethiopia. As a teenager dealing with my parent’s divorce, I ate to heal a broken heart and never even paid attention to any sort of hunger. I don’t think I was ever actually hungry. I lived to eat instead of eating to live. I also have strange ideas about what a meal must include. I grew up in a large family and learned to eat quickly in order to get seconds. As a teacher, I also eat quickly to get on with the business of teaching! I have always eaten beyond the meal… food sitting on the table as we visit, putting it away and even as I prepped the meal. I’ve consumed WAY more food than my body has or ever will need!

I know that these keys to conscious eating are powerful and work… when I use them and make them a part of my day. So, here’s to round 2 of this grace-based way of thinking about food! I’m worth it and have a very grace-filled Papa on my side who has designed this plan for my benefit, to give me a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

It’s a new day and the sun is shinning!

And my windows are very dirty!

Circle of Life · Experiences · Gifts · Grace · Growth · Healing · Hope · Intentional Self · Lessons Learned · life happens... · love · My Journey · Prayer · Seasons · Standing in the Gap · Struggles · The Journey · Uncategorized

2016… What a Year!

December 31, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

2016… oh what a year! It’s one that will go down in history for so many reasons. I’ve managed to NOT let the stress of things of the world get me down. I’ve felt sad about the losses of well-known people who have passed away… people I’ve grown up with. I’ve managed to keep my emotions out of the presidential election. All I can do is pray for the days to come. I have no control of the worldly events of the past year.

All I can really control is the events of my life… and even those are not always controllable. I can think about the past year but can’t change a thing that has already happened. The story is written and published. All I can do it reflect on the words on each page, take what I can that will propel me positively into the new year and then close the book, placing it carefully on the shelf with the other 53 books.

2016 was a year. A year of hard work, new relationships, loss, struggle, new memories, career challenges, laughter, tears, loving, choosing to love, growth, new beginnings, dreams lost and dreams being realized…

There are some definite things I can take away from 2016. While I’d like to take away only the positive, I realize that it’s some of the tough things that will change me and motivate me in the coming year.

Here are my take-aways from 2016:

I have infinite worth! Enough said!

I am the only one that can determine how my day will unfold. It’s not the responsibility of my husband, friends or co-workers… it’s mine. I choose my attitude towards the day.

If I don’t include God in my day things tend to go south. Unfortunately I’ve allowed this to happen one too many times.

Everyday is a gift – wrapped with a beautiful bow. I get to choose how I open it and what I do with it. Some gifts can be large and fancy, while others might be little and seemingly unimportant. It’s up to me to look at each gift and cherish what it brings… not wishing and hoping for more or different. Gifts are all around us and sometimes we miss them. It’s the tiniest things that can bring the greatest joy!

Just when you think you’ve loved something so much and losing it will leave you empty forever… think again! Be bold and risk loving again!

Two kittens are better than one! Just saying!

As we move into 2017, my prayer for everyone is that we will all believe in our infinite worth and value. I pray our lives will reflect that. For me that means taking better care of myself… believing that I’m worth investing in. Even when that investment is difficult but necessary. I pray we all have others in our lives to share the journey. I pray that we can all do the two simple things that God asks of us… love God and love people. This feels more important than ever with the coming months and changes in our nation.

May 2017 bring abundant love, grace and passion in each of our lives. I leave you with this prayer.

“And now may the courage of early morning’s dawning,

And the strength of eternal hills at noontime,

And the peace of open spaces at evening’s ending,

And the love of God abide in your hearts now and forever.” Amen.

– Harry K. Zeller, from the BRETHREN HYMNAL