Adulting

July 21, 2018 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

What a year it’s been with 5 months still to go! Some years have come and gone and been full of heartache and sadness… harder than others.

2018 has been a year full of change, excitement and wonder!! Busy. Full. Fast.

Both my husband and I turned 55. Double Nickel! Fifty Five! Who is 55? It always seemed that old people were 55. Well now we are and we are not old! Funny that perspective change as we age!

I have three bonus children. Our youngest graduated HS. When I moved here 12 years ago he was 6. Our oldest got married a few weeks ago. When I moved here she was about to turn 10. Our middle daughter is weeks away from having a baby boy. When I moved here she was 7.

As we have watched them grow up and journey through the many family challenges we’ve had, our conversations at times were about where they would land when they became adults. It always seemed so far off. Some days we wished them old and wise… away from the tumultuous teen years. Other times we wished them to stay young and innocent.

Today we sit in awe and wonder at the changes in the past 6 months. No more school events. We have a new son-in-law. Soon we will be grandparents… Papa B and Nana J! We are now eligible for a level of senior discounts! AARP baby!! It all feels a bit surreal.

So far on this journey, we have all made it! And it hasn’t been without joys and sorrows. Honestly, there were moments when I wasn’t sure we’d ever make it to this point. So here we are and I am full of excitement and deep emotion. We joke about all of the kids now officially “adulting.” I guess then we are “adult adulting!”

This time in life always seemed like a dream to me and so far off. Now it’s here and it’s grand! We love “adulting” with the kids! We do miss the days when they were younger, but this time of life is wonderful! As I’m having conversations with our momma-to-be about her life and the new life she is about to begin, I think back on all of the things I did that were good bonus parenting moments and all of the not-so-good bonus parenting moments. Thankfully, God’s mercies are new every day and His grace abounds!

We all grow and change. We’ve all said and done things we’ve regretted and things we remember fondly. This doesn’t feel like a new chapter but a whole new book! Volume 2 – “Adulting!”

I couldn’t have imagined what this would be like. I can’t even really describe it now. We are in the next phase of all of our lives and it is exciting and scary. Lives are changing and people are growing old.

(The growing old thing is another blog for another day.)

I’m sitting here in a new office space typing this and I’m looking at a wall decoration from a dear friend hanging directly in front of me… HOPE is what it says. I am hopeful and confident that the good things the Lord has started in our family will continue as He walks us all through the next phases of our lives. We can’t look back with regret and we can’t look forward with anxiousness.

We are…

Right here. Right now. Just as we are. Loving no matter what…even when it’s difficult. Challenging relationships at new levels. Leaving behind the things that were hard and being hopeful for the things to come.

Life is a gift and everyday we get to choose how we spend it. I am choosing to be full of HOPE and excitement for what is next for all of us.

Circle of Life · Experiences · Gifts · Grace · Growth · Healing · Hope · Lessons Learned · life happens... · Loss · love · marriage · Miracles · Struggles · The Journey · Uncategorized

Just Another Day…

August 2, 2016August 3, 2016 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

August 2, 1997. It was just another day for most. It was a big day for me. Happiest day of my life… or so they say. For 7 years it was a day that was celebrated. Today, 19 years later, it’s just another day. One day closer to summer being over and getting back to work.

Today I find myself filled with emotion. I’m sure it’s not all about that day 19 years ago, but that is a part of it. The part of me that came and went in 7 short years. That is not what I envisioned on that sunny day in San Luis Obispo. It was a whirlwind relationship that happened fast. He was taken by my “worship girl” lifestyle and I with his wild side and in love with being in love. Some of his first words to me were, “you are perfect the way you are.” That should have been a red flag, but it only fueled my desire to be loved and love.

Over the last 19 years I’ve loved and lost. I’ve laughed and cried. I’ve had my heart filled and emptied. I’ve had dreams come true and dreams shattered. I’ve come and gone. I’ve hurt and and been hurt. I’ve loved and been loved… and reloved.

Life gets so busy that sometimes I forget to stop and remember. I am a “date remembering” girl, but this far out, today would have been just another day had I not heard the date on the morning news.

August 2…

Emotions came flooding back. I think that I now have a storehouse of memories that the Lord wants me to keep in a special place. They no longer contain anger or hurt or regret. They are sweet and part of who I am today. Had I not journeyed on that short path with the amazing man that “fell in love with me” I might not be sitting where I am today… living the life I have now. It’s funny how one life decision can determine the days to come.

I have some wonderful take aways from that seven year union 19 years ago. My first kiss… and so on and so forth!! (insert blush) A beautiful bonus daughter who is now a mother of a sweet little guy. Family that will always hold a special place in my heart. Seven years of adventures with my “Marlboro Man!”

It’s not what I thought would happen. But it did. Things ended and ten years ago I decided to move away from the memories and at the time, the pain. Of course I was swayed by a tall handsome Irish boy from my past.

Several major life changes later and here I sit. I left a wonderful state I had lived in for 20 years and came home. Quit a really good job… got a new one… thankfully another really good one! Sold a home, bought a home, sold a home and bought another one! Rekindled old friendships and started new ones. Left love behind and had the great blessing of getting to relove and marry my first. I said goodbye to a wonderful bonus daughter and now have three more amazing bonus children. Life is good.

Yes, one simple date on the calendar and oh how the memories and emotions appear. Bittersweet. I am confidently thankful that my Father in Heaven has my journey all mapped out. On that sweet day 19 years ago, I never in a million years would have thought for a second my life would be what it is now. As wonderful as it is, it would not have made sense then. I’m so glad that we don’t get to see our future. Just one day at a time… living well and loving God and loving people.

Grace · Healing · Prayers · Struggles · The Journey

#lovewins

June 27, 2015 Thoughts and Reflections on Life2 Comments

This morning I’m irritated. I’m irritated because it’s way too hot for the end of June and I didn’t sleep worth a darn last night. I’m irritated because it’s only 9:15 and almost too hot to be on my patio.

This morning I’m also disappointed. I’m disappointed in myself and in people in general. Why?

Yesterday, June 26, 2015, our US Supreme Court ruled that all states must honor gay marriage. For the past 24 hours I have remained quiet on the issue, only checking a few “like” buttons on people’s FB posts. I’ve only checked those on which I know only a few people will see that I agreed with what they said…those whom share the same belief.

Thus enters my disappointment in myself. I’ve not felt strong enough to publicly expose my views on the topic of gay marriage. What will those who believe differently than I think of me? Will they publicly call me out on FB and possibly unfriend me? Will life-long friendships be lost because we disagree on an issue that I believe is tearing our nation apart?

Even as I type this I can feel a sense of anxiety coming over me.

Several years ago, an older gentleman came to my door asking if I was a registered voter. I told him I was. What transpired next shocked me on many levels. He was delighted to hear I was and instructed me to sign his petition. I calmly asked what the petition was about and then proceeded to tell him that I will absolutely NOT sign because I did not agree with it. He proceeded to tell me that was a shame and walked away from my doorstep. And that was that. I closed the door and realized that I had a very strong opinion on the issue. That was the beginning of me realizing that I don’t have to support what everyone thinks I should or says I should. I am free to believe in whatever I choose to support.

I am a Christ-follower and have been for 29 years. I’m not a deep theologian or master of the Bible. I’ve often joked during deep theological discussions with my brother that he is more “Charles Wesley” and I am more “Max Lucado!” ( No offense Max! Your writing is straightforward and easy for me to understand!) I would not say I’m very deep in my theological thinking but I love Jesus with everything in my being. I need things spelled out pretty plain and simple.

As a Christ-follower, I’ve always been pretty swayed by what I’m involved with. If the masses are believing it then I must as well. I’ve never really allowed myself to disagree with what everyone else is agreeing with. I’m a peace-maker and don’t want to rock the boat.

FB has become a place for people to share political and religious opinions. I totally stay away from politics. I might share a “religious” thought but have never told another person that what they believe is right or wrong. I just share my heart hoping to encourage one who needs it and leave it at that. I’m not scripturally strong, but love The Word. Can I quote it? Not much. Can I pull out a verse on the fly to make a point? Not really. but I’m okay with that.

Yesterday, FB blew up! Rainbows and #lovewins were and still are everywhere. Along with those are many scripture references and downright words of hate and malice. Thus my disappointment in people.

As I grapple with making my heart known publicly, I have resolved to NOT apologize for my beliefs, nor do I need to justify one way or another what I think and feel.

Am I risking friendships? Possibly.

Does that make my heart sad? Yes.

One apology that I will make is to my dear friends from many years ago in CA, Gabe and Michael. They had a marriage ceremony that I did not attend. I was opposed to what they were doing and I could not justify being there in support. (At that time I also only watched G movies as well…) I hear I missed a fabulous party! Today they are two amazing men sharing a life together with two amazing sons! To you, my friends, I’m sorry that my narrow-mindedness kept me from celebrating with you.

I am blessed with many friends. Black, white, native, fat, thin, young, old, single, married, divorced, widowed, gay, straight, happy, unhappy, Christian, Jew, Buddhist, agnostic, atheist…the list goes on. Regardless of the label or labels that each one may hold, they – no WE, are all people who love and desire to be loved.

I had a very dear friend come to me in tears years ago out at camp. She was dreading telling me something very important to her because I was a Christian and she was sure I would disapprove and no longer like her. She shared that she was a lesbian. I was so sad that she thought I would not still love her after hearing that. That was the beginning of my eyes opening up.

My world is full of people – gay and straight. I love them all! God has called me to LOVE with abandonment, no matter what. Love God and love people. I’ve watched my Christian brother and sister, along with their spouses grapple with the reality of a gay/lesbian child. When a belief system is rocked to the core, it’s difficult. All of them chose love. They chose to “stay in the room” with their children; loving and supporting all the way. That’s how it should be… in my humble opinion.

Sin is sin. We ALL struggle with it every day. Yes, God hates sin, but He DOES NOT HATE THE SINNER. If you are going to disapprove of someone because they want to legally be with the one they love, then disapprove of me… for I’m sure I’ve done something sinful that you disapprove of as well. Sin is sin… but love is what God calls us to do. In the words of a very wise young girl back when she was ten (she is now 13), ‘Why does it matter who you marry as long as you love each other?”
We will all have to stand before our Creator one day and account for all we’ve done. No one is exempt. I believe in my heart and mind, simple as it may be, that we have God in a box. Today I chose to love… no matter what lifestyle a person chooses. I’m elated for my family and friends who finally get to legally share a life with the one they love. I’m thinking out of the box and doing what God is calling me to do… Love regardless.