Our Father Who Are in Heaven…

June 15, 2014June 25, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on Life1 Comment

Early this morning I sat on my patio amidst a spring/summer rain storm taking in the sights and sounds… wrapped in a blanket with a hot cup of coffee. Our birdhouse hung quiet and seemingly empty. After a time, Dad swooped in and landed on the birdhouse perch. For the past two weeks that would have brought hungry and noisy babies to the hole searching for food. This morning the hole was quiet. Dad sat there very still, then looked in the house and all around. No babies. After 16 days of life, they have flown the coop. He seemed a bit distraught and worried, yet I sensed calm satisfaction.

Ironically, today is Father’s Day. I guess he can feel good about raising up his babies and helping them become independent and able to be on their own.

Today is a day for Father’s to be honored and remembered and celebrated. For some, today is a happy, joyous day. Strong relationships with their father/children allow this day to be a day of celebration with or without. Memories old and new surface and happiness fills the air.

For others, today brings great sadness and heartache. Father’s lost…relationships tarnished or lost. Hurt and regret and sadness cloud the day. I can think of three friends that are grieving the loss of their fathers in the past year and for one, the past two weeks. While good memories are there, they are buried deep underneath the sorrow and grief that hang low in the air right now. For some, there are no good memories… only hurt and pain.

I think about the fathers that are suffering today. Lost relationships with children. Current relationships that are difficult and challenging… all the while testing that deep unconditional love of a father. My heart is heavy for them today.

As I’m watching people around me rejoice and struggle, I’m brought to my knees with my own grief and sorrow and joy. I am clinging to the hope for all of us… the hope of our heavenly father. Our unconditionally loving father. Our eternal father.

Much like the father bird this morning, He perches up in heaven watching out for us. Coming back to see if we are there. If we are okay. He coaxes us out of the birdhouse when we need it. He protects us when we are out and on our own. He brings us food when we are hungry and can’t find it ourselves. He is constant…

Earthly fathers can only give what they have been given. For some that is greater than others. The roll of a father is precious and difficult and bittersweet. Today my heart is yearning for every father to feel loved and valued and honored and cherished… not only by earthly beings but also our father who art in heaven.

Healing · Lessons Learned · life happens... · Miracles · Prayers · Questions to Ponder · Seasons · Struggles · The Journey

Everyday Miracles…

April 20, 2014April 20, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!” …

Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?” “They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?” Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.” Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”). (John 20:1-16 NIV)

Miracle of all miracles. Mary’s son beat death. No one would have imagined it as they watched him die an agonizing death on the cross two days earlier. The tomb was empty. Lives forever changed. He conquered death for us.

Many people believe that miracles only happened in the bible. You only read about that stuff. Not today. Not now.

What miracles are happening around us each day that we don’t recognize because they are not grand and glorious like raising someone from the dead? Are we blind to them? Our minds and eyes perceive them as small, yet they are not. No miracle is small. When God does the miraculous, it’s huge.

Springtime blooming after a long, cold winter. New life budding on the tree limbs more and more each day. Opening up and ready to grow and flourish. A little girl coming home to her daddy. Turning from struggles and asking for help. Wanting to change, grow and flourish… much like that spring bloom.

Miracles. I can see God’s handprint and I’m in awe. Overwhelmed. Waiting in great anticipation for what is next.

On this Resurrection Sunday my hands are open wide and my heart is yearning for more of God’s miracles. Miracles in the ordinary things of our lives. Turning the secular into the sacred. Opening my heart and mind to see more of what is going on around me. Searching for miracles. Expecting miracles.

Healing · life happens... · Prayers · Questions to Ponder · Seasons · Struggles · The Journey

So Why the Yellow Towel?

April 13, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on Life1 Comment

I took it from the rag pile. A small butter yellow bath hand towel. Faded from years of use and occasional bleaching. The edges were tattered. It would be perfect to wipe down the newly cleaned bathroom fixtures.

I walked into the bathroom and laid the yellow towel on the counter. Suddenly the memories came flooding back. A strong wave of emotion came over me. It was 1997 and I was in my house on Butterscotch Lane.

As clear as day, I remembered all of the towels we received as wedding gifts. Our towel colors were dark blue, butter yellow, and white. The yellow were my favorites. I kept those out for my bathroom.

By this point I’m a puddle and can’t even think about cleaning. I’m transported back in time. I am newly married and setting up house. Everything was new. I am beginning my forever life with the man I married. The man with whom I’d grow old.

It seems like just yesterday that I was a blushing bride walking down the path to say my vows at the beautiful Apple Farm. At that moment in time, everything seemed perfect. August 2, 1997.

I’m standing in the bathroom with this damn yellow towel and felt the urge to do the math. I was married for the first time 16+ years ago. Sixteen years????? Where has time gone? It was just yesterday. I was 34 and had the rest of my life ahead of me.

Another story for another day, but by 2006 I was packing up those yellow towels and moving back home… without my husband. He decided he’d rather do life alone. So, off I go to begin again and start over. In tow were a few things from that eight year journey.

Today I’m happily married to a man I fell in love with many, many years ago. It’s been nine years since my divorce. Plenty of time to get over it and leave it behind. Slowly, the things that came north with me have gotten broken or given away. The latest was the last of my crystal ice tea glasses. While it was only a glass, there were memories behind it. Needless to say, I had a small moment of emotion over that one.

So why the yellow towel? What did it trigger that brought emotions up so fresh and raw? How can a simple towel take me back in time? Then the questions start… Why? What if? Do I have regrets? Will I ever truly be over him? If a stupid towel takes me down, imagine if I were to see him in person? Would I be strong enough?

Emotions are crazy. Memories are powerful. Feelings are deep. Those three together can really reek some havoc. I guess today I needed to stop and process a bit more of something from my past. While I don’t live in the past, it still creeps up. So my little yellow towel, not only will wipe clean the bathroom, but will help me wipe clean a trail of emotions and memories that need to be sorted through, weeded out, and left behind… one more time.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and now to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

God’s got my heart right where He wants it. Currently, it’s nestled in the middle of an old yellow hand towel. I have to be willing and open to let Him use simple things like a tattered old towel to grow and change and heal me. No one ever said it would be easy.

Generations · Gifts · Grace · Healing · Hope · Lessons Learned · life happens... · Prayers · Questions to Ponder

There Will Be A Day…

April 9, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on Life1 Comment

One minute everything seems to be okay. Life seems quiet. No storms. Just when you think things are quieting down… taking a turn in the right direction. Then the phone rings late. I can hear a voice talking loudly on the other end. The curtain has once again come down.

I crawl into bed, hoping to just ignore it all and let sleep distract me. Nope. It didn’t happen. Restless and not wanting to keep him awake, I escape to the living room to walk and pray. Pray about what? I know nothing about what is going on. “Discipline issues.” That’s all he said to me.

Although the sun is shining and it’s vacation, life is still happening around me. Life has been happening around us for quite a while now and I’ve often wondered if other’s feel the same struggles we do? It’s like being on a roller coaster… up and down and up and down. Some times faster than others.

Eight years ago I found myself alone after 8 years of marriage. I was settling into this new life and then an old life emerged and changed everything. I fell in love again with a man I’d never really stopped loving. I’m in love with that man today. Our love changed my world, moving me back from whence I came.

Then reality set in. I’m in love with someone that is hurt and broken and struggling. We are a pair to draw from. I’m the same way. Just when I think I have it together…I’m reminded that I don’t!. MY demons rear their ugly heads.

It’s like when you throw a rock into a calm lake. The rock hits the water and then ripples out. No matter the size of the stone or the force of the throw, it still ripples out. Sometime the ripples seem to go out further and further, as if they will never stop.

Our lives have that same effect. For everythingthing we say or do, there are ripples of effect. Some good. Some sad. Some hard. Some amazing. Most of those ripples involve others. The stakeholders in our lives. My hurt and pain and choices, all in some way or another, effect those in my life. My mood and emotions engulf those around me. Is that fair?

There is an old saying, “you hurt those you love the most.” Is that fair? It sends the most confusing message. I love you, therefore I am going to hurt you. How many times have we been the recipient of this? The giver of this? Our world is made up of fallen beings. The sin in the garden set that one in motion. It’s part of who we are and what we do. Does that make it right? Are we forgiven? God forgives. Some people forgive. I forgive some people. I’m fallen. You are fallen. Together we are fallen.

My heart that was heavy an hour ago has lightened a bit. The sun is shining and I’m on vacation. I was also gently reminded that while other can cause grief and heartache for me, I do the same. It’s easy to get caught up in a “they hurt me” mentality,” losing sight of our place in this broken world.

When I think I’ve got my ducks all lined up… then WHAM! They all fly away loudly!

A song by Jeremy Camp called There Will Be a Day, popped into my head as I sit writing this morning.

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have

But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab

The many trials that seem to never end, His endless Word declares this truth

That we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings

That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears

No more pain, no more fears

There will be a day when the burdens of this place

Will be no more , we’ll see Jesus face to face

But until that day, we’ll hold on to You always

In the meantime, as we live in this fallen world with hurting people just like ourselves, we have a hope on the horizon. I’m holding tight to that today.

I’ve let myself get so caught up in the everyday mire that I temporarily lost sight of what I hold do dearly… my hope in Jesus. He’s got this one. He’s got all of the late night phone calls, the tears, the child-rearing heartaches, the relationship struggles, the past hurts and suffering… as well as the joys and celebrations. We will have all of this with those we love and yes, we will hurt those we love.

But there will be a day…