365 Days of Our Story…

January 1, 2015 Thoughts and Reflections on Life2 Comments

It’s really just another day on the calendar. 12:01 AM and the new day begins. 364 days out of the year I’m sleeping when this transition takes place… completely unaware. But there is that one time each calendar year I’m actually awake when that clock strikes midnight. There’s fanfare and noise and kissing. It seems to be magical. Poof! It’s not just a new day… it’s a new year! Out with the old and in with the new. Fresh start. New beginnings. Resolutions made to NOT make resolutions (oh that’s another blog for another day!).

I woke early this morning. Oh, how I’d like to say it’s because I was so excited for the new year and all it has to offer. Nope. I woke because the heat came on, my bladder was screaming and my worry button turned on… right on schedule. I was determined to stay in bed and sleep. But alas, my brain won out and I had to get up.

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.

These words are going around FB. I posted the picture. It’s kind of exciting! There is that fresh start we all long for. Of course I want to write a good one. Who doesn’t? I wanted that for 2014. That story was full of heartache and struggle, while at the same time covered with grace. Was it the story that I wanted to write? Nope. Do we ever get the story we hope for? As a writer of sorts, the only way to get that story written exactly as I want is to write fiction… create what I want to happen.

Our life story is not fiction. It’s true mystery, suspense, comedy and a love story. Each of these genres weave in and out of our daily comings and goings.

My story for 2015 is not yet written. It’s just beginning. As I lay awake in the early hours this morning, I felt a heaviness and fear creep over me. Suddenly, the hugeness of the next 365 days overwhelmed me. Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? What if? The idea of the vastness of what could happen seemed to press down on my spirit.

My life is full of messiness and clutter and unmet expectations. I imagine that many of us might just feel the same way if we let ourselves truly be honest. My life is also full of love and blessings and joy, but I let the heartache of 2014 overshadow those.

As I day in bed on this first day of the next 365 days, I began to pray… for that is the only thing that quelled the fear that was grabbing my heart and mind. I can’t look ahead on the calendar… I can only look at today… right now, for anxiety is born when we look at what has not yet happened.

                              “I can’t do it all, all the time,
                                              All I can do is
                                         Just. The. Next. Thing.
                                         Right now, at this time.
                                               – Ann Voskamp

So my prayer for today and everyday of the next 365 is this…

Lord Jesus, thank you for the opportunity to write the story you have blessed me with. God, I know my story will be full of mystery, intrigue, love, heartache, loss… for you never promised that fairy tale I have always longed for. I pray that I will stay on the my path that you have placed me on… even if it seems difficult and doesn’t look like that of others. Help me to see the surprises and joys and grace that you will place in front of me. Give me just what I need at just the moment I need it… and let that be enough. I pray this also for those you’ve put in my life – whether they be near or far. May You be revealed to each of us in a deeper and greater way this year… and may we keep our eyes and heart wide open each day to see all that you have for us. Let it be done… let it be so… in Jesus’ name.

Christmas · life happens... · Seasons · The Journey

The Brother and Sisterhood of the Family Manger Scene

November 28, 2014November 30, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on Life4 Comments

Growing up, my favorite memory of Christmas was our nativity set that sat inside the fireplace. Baby Jesus hid behind the manger until Christmas Eve when he was born! The angel Gabriel delicately hung inside the fireplace from the dampner. It was a treat to set up and then spend hours watching and admiring.

My mom graduated from this life in November of 2009, 55 years after the birth of this family treasure. She was the keeper of this beloved nativity from 1955 to 2007. She then passed it to my sister Megan for her family to enjoy. Megan kept it until 2011 when she passed it on to our other sister, Kate who held it until her passing in 2012. We then decided that this very special nativity needed to be shared among the remaining seven. So began The Brother and Sisterhood of the Family Manger Scene. My sister Mary enjoyed it last year and passed it on to me in the new year.

Today, I found it in the closet and suddenly was transported back in time. I cleared a spot on the buffet and began to gently unpack each piece. Emotion flooded as each player of the Great Story was revealed. Some are in great condition and others are chipped. The donkey is missing part of his ear. I remembered hiding Jesus. I pictured the straw that was spread around the family.

So, this year…59 years after it’s beginning, I am the honored holder of The Family Manger Scene. It has such a special place that I am not bringing out my own nativity this year. I will treasure each day that I get to look, remember and rejoice in what it represents.

Upon opening the first box, I found a card. Inside is the running record of the keeper of the manger. Accompanying the card was a hand written paper that my mom had written, penning the history of the nativity. It took my breath away to see my mom’s printing. She was famous for scrawling notes on anything that was loose and had room! She loved to chronicle life and for that I’m so grateful.

So, here is the story of The Family Manger Scene

In the Fall of 1955, my Grandma Katie purchased the manger at Kauffer’s Bookstore and the basic characters. This included the German made 3 piece set of Mary, Jospeh and the Baby for $8.50.

Grandma Katie tried for years to start a manger scene for the family and my mom said NO. There were little kids and they would want to handle and break the figures. Finally, in the fall of 1955 she started it and purchased the above mentioned set. Shortly after that, Grandma Katie passed away, not waking up on Thanksgiving morning.

After the funeral, a family friend who was unable to attend, sent a card and check to finish purchasing the manger scene figures. So along came the shepherds for $1.75 each. The Wise Men were a bit more spendy. The Incense carrier was $2.75. The kneeling wise man was $3.00. The standing man was only $1.50 because he was damaged. The 3 little lambs made in Italy and were $0.75 each. Only one of them made it this far in the journey.

Only my mom would keep track of the prices and remember them 50 years later. She noted at the bottom of the handwritten memoir that she wrote in 2005, 50 years to the day that Grandma Katie passed away.

I’ve been missing my mom more than usual lately. It comes with the time of year, as she passed away 5 years ago on November 11. To find her handwritten note was special, touching and sad all at the same time. I am so thankful for the little treasures that she left behind… even the scratched handwritten notes.

Generations · Gifts · Grace · Healing · Hope · Lessons Learned · life happens... · Prayers · Questions to Ponder

There Will Be A Day…

April 9, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on Life1 Comment

One minute everything seems to be okay. Life seems quiet. No storms. Just when you think things are quieting down… taking a turn in the right direction. Then the phone rings late. I can hear a voice talking loudly on the other end. The curtain has once again come down.

I crawl into bed, hoping to just ignore it all and let sleep distract me. Nope. It didn’t happen. Restless and not wanting to keep him awake, I escape to the living room to walk and pray. Pray about what? I know nothing about what is going on. “Discipline issues.” That’s all he said to me.

Although the sun is shining and it’s vacation, life is still happening around me. Life has been happening around us for quite a while now and I’ve often wondered if other’s feel the same struggles we do? It’s like being on a roller coaster… up and down and up and down. Some times faster than others.

Eight years ago I found myself alone after 8 years of marriage. I was settling into this new life and then an old life emerged and changed everything. I fell in love again with a man I’d never really stopped loving. I’m in love with that man today. Our love changed my world, moving me back from whence I came.

Then reality set in. I’m in love with someone that is hurt and broken and struggling. We are a pair to draw from. I’m the same way. Just when I think I have it together…I’m reminded that I don’t!. MY demons rear their ugly heads.

It’s like when you throw a rock into a calm lake. The rock hits the water and then ripples out. No matter the size of the stone or the force of the throw, it still ripples out. Sometime the ripples seem to go out further and further, as if they will never stop.

Our lives have that same effect. For everythingthing we say or do, there are ripples of effect. Some good. Some sad. Some hard. Some amazing. Most of those ripples involve others. The stakeholders in our lives. My hurt and pain and choices, all in some way or another, effect those in my life. My mood and emotions engulf those around me. Is that fair?

There is an old saying, “you hurt those you love the most.” Is that fair? It sends the most confusing message. I love you, therefore I am going to hurt you. How many times have we been the recipient of this? The giver of this? Our world is made up of fallen beings. The sin in the garden set that one in motion. It’s part of who we are and what we do. Does that make it right? Are we forgiven? God forgives. Some people forgive. I forgive some people. I’m fallen. You are fallen. Together we are fallen.

My heart that was heavy an hour ago has lightened a bit. The sun is shining and I’m on vacation. I was also gently reminded that while other can cause grief and heartache for me, I do the same. It’s easy to get caught up in a “they hurt me” mentality,” losing sight of our place in this broken world.

When I think I’ve got my ducks all lined up… then WHAM! They all fly away loudly!

A song by Jeremy Camp called There Will Be a Day, popped into my head as I sit writing this morning.

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have

But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab

The many trials that seem to never end, His endless Word declares this truth

That we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings

That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears

No more pain, no more fears

There will be a day when the burdens of this place

Will be no more , we’ll see Jesus face to face

But until that day, we’ll hold on to You always

In the meantime, as we live in this fallen world with hurting people just like ourselves, we have a hope on the horizon. I’m holding tight to that today.

I’ve let myself get so caught up in the everyday mire that I temporarily lost sight of what I hold do dearly… my hope in Jesus. He’s got this one. He’s got all of the late night phone calls, the tears, the child-rearing heartaches, the relationship struggles, the past hurts and suffering… as well as the joys and celebrations. We will have all of this with those we love and yes, we will hurt those we love.

But there will be a day…

Creative Eclectic · Gifts · Grace · Hope · Lessons Learned · Prayers · Questions to Ponder · Seasons · The Journey

Until Now…

March 30, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on Life3 Comments

Where to begin? I love to write! Writing is my escape. I communicate best in words on paper. I’ve blogged for six years. I never seem to be at a loss for words. Until now…

My recent participation at a Christian Writers Conference opened up new doors of adventure… and challenge… and excitement. Until I came home…

Several times I’ve sat down to write. I’ve got nothin’. It’s as if writing has never been a passion or a gift. What is causing this block? Why am I suddenly dry? I long to take advantage of the information gathered at the conference and play off of the excitement of the other writers with whom I spent two days.

Today as I was editing photographs from yesterday’s shoot, it hit me. God kicked my writing up a notch and invited others into my writing world.

Blogging involves other people, but they are not present. I write and it goes out into the cyber world. After posting I never really know if anyone reads the words I’ve poured out on the page. Occasionally I get a comment, but it’s always encouraging words regarding the content of my piece. No one critiques my writing. There is a measure of safety. Until now…

My new writing adventure involves a small group of women gathering once a month for a “writers group.” It involves sending writing out a week ahead so each one can read my piece and critique it. Then we will gather and share our critiques. Today I’m wondering what I’ve gotten myself in to.

I’m a pretty transparent person; wearing my heart on my shirt sleeve. Why am I nervous about letting others read my writing and give feedback? I’m not writing a book. I don’t have a manuscript I’ve been working on. I have some blog entries. That’s it. Suddenly I feel like I’ve got to write something with more depth and a greater vision. I’ve always considered myself a fairly good writer. Until now…

How ironic that my first piece to submit to the group is about how insecure I feel as I embark on this new journey. Fear and trepidation are looming. That little voice in my head is saying to run and never look back. Pursue other passions. Leave the writing to those called to be real authors.

I have no idea where this new adventure will lead me. I’m determined to not let my insecurity and fear win. I’m hopeful that I will be stretched…and challenged…and encouraged. I’m excited to begin to fashion a vision greater than my blog and see it grow into something bigger that I could ever imagine; for I’ve never really had one. Until now…

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Bucket List…

March 23, 2014 Thoughts and Reflections on LifeLeave a comment

Do you have a bucket list? It seems to be what everybody is talking about… in the 40+ generation anyway. I don’t have an official list. I’ve been too busy living in the here and now, to think about what I want to do before I die. Now that I’m 50, I’m slowing down a bit to think about what I actually would like to do.

For years… before I knew what a bucket list was, I’ve wanted to write a book. I’ve merely just made that general statement. Eventually I narrowed it down to possibly a memoir. Writing about real-life things that have happened to me is where my pen usually lands. Not that I’ve led an exciting life, but to make stuff up about characters I’ve created does not seem in my creative realm.

Recently I resurrected my “bucket list” and decided to step out and attend a writer’s conference. I went in with absolutely no expectation. I figured I’d meet a few authors and hear about how they got started. That’s it.

Little did I know that the two days I would spend at the Inland Northwest Christian Writers Conference would change my life.

I came with my new notebook, pen and highlighter! I was ready! Ready for what? I had no idea!

The opening Keynote speaker began talking about bringing God into your writing. What?

Pray about what He wants me to write about? Pray about how He wants me to write and what He wants me to accomplish? I’ve been a Christ-follower for almost 30 years and this was completely new to me. Writing has been something I’ve done on my own. “I’ve got this one handled, Lord! You worry about the things that need help in my life, not the things I’m confident with.”

Suddenly this experience with no expectation had fresh expectation and a longing began.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

I’ve known that God gave me the love of writing. I’ve known that much of what I write is faith-based and God is usually the culminating thought. I’ve known that I want my writing to be meaningful to the person reading it. The thought of bringing God into this intimate part of my life gives me a greater hope that this dream I have will be even better.

My blank expectation of my gifting began to take shape. I listened and wrote with a fresh vision, longing and desire.

Over the course of the two days I was able to begin to form a vision… establish a possible starting place. My mind is full. My heart is swelling with excitement that I can write alongside my Jesus and He will give me encouragement, vision and direction. I’ve also realized the importance of surrounding myself with a community of writers.

For both of these, I’m excited, nervous and hopeful! At the moment, my thoughts and vision are blurred, but I can see a light beginning to gleam in the distance and a direction beginning to become more clear… I think!

Who knows where God might take me or what kind of writing He may put on my heart! But, I’m open to be surprised, challenged and blessed beyond measure along this journey!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11