Saturday morning. It’s early and my emotions are high. I’m not really sure why. I’m at the end of my 28 day commitment to better health. Now I have to decide if I am worth continuing or will I go back to my old ways. Yes, you read that correctly – “if I am worth continuing.”
For whatever reason and circumstances of my life, I’ve grown up to be one that thinks of you long before I think of me. In that way of thinking I’ve missed the piece about me being so worth it that I should take care of myself. No matter what I’ve done over the years, after a time, I sabotage my efforts. Something in me just gives up and that’s that.
For the past year and a half I’ve been making more efforts to battle that and change. It’s not easy when it’s been your MO for 50+ years. I’m learning that I am worth it and I do deserve to be healthy and happy.
I began my morning worrying about all of the “stuff” that I need to be doing. It was one of those early morning awakenings that came long before the sun was up. I relented, got up and took care of one of them. Whew! One down… 500 more to go! It’s a start!
Upon completion of my pre-dawn task, I sat down with a cup of coffee and my iPad. My devotional is around Lent. As soon as I began reading I was deeply moved. It was comparing the Queen of England to Jesus. She has had 62 years of pomp and circumstance. Jesus did not have that. He rode on a donkey with a soldiers cloak thrown over him and his crown… his crown was thorns. The blood that ran down his face was that of a man… and of God.
“Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!” (Luke 19:38)
His parade route ended at the Mount of Olives. There was not a huge celebration with cameras and cheery on-lookers. This is where He ascended into heaven. His humility was replaced with glory. Ten thousand times ten thousand angels were now at His side. His Spirit filled the universe. He was (and is) the ruler of all things.
Because of his death and resurrection, we became royalty. I am royalty… heavenly royalty.
So, as I wept this morning over all of the things I have not accomplished… the things I continue to struggle with… the dreams that were left to die… the piece of my self-worth that I somehow missed… I was encouraged. I am royalty… His royalty. I AM worth it. His death on the cross… those horrific six hours one Friday… they were for ME… and YOU…
Now as I venture into my day, I have a little more courage to face the battles that are ahead. I know that there will be struggles and celebrations. I know that I will doubt my worth again. Temptations will knock. Tears will fall. I need to keep my eyes on what is important and His love and strength will continue to find me…flowing down from His thrown of grace.
Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of Heaven’s Armies! The whole earth is filled with his glory!
(Isaiah 6:3 NLT)